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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - first, we don’t take home 15K a month. The nature of his job means that he brings home a guaranteed $4k/month and I bring home a guaranteed $3845 per pp (so $8.3k/month). The rest is bonuses, which are not guaranteed (and because he isn’t working too hard at work, his bonuses are more iffy). Our mortgage is $4K. Also while we give $500 to his mother and bother, that will increase and we also pay for plane tickets and hotels for them to visit us 2-3x a year. Also again, we didn’t have these salaries most of our marriage. Historically we were probably right below $200k.

We have some fairly costly home maintenance project that we have to save for. We also need a new car.

The guys trips are long weeks, so plane ride, hotel, dinner and excursions. I think the last one was $1500.

I think a prior poster hit the nail on the head when she said one of my frustrations is that my H doesn’t see/understand our financial picture. He has Mint so he sees all our accounts, but he doesn’t get our in and out expenses. I have tried to show him everything and explain it but he just doesn’t get it. He literally told me if he won $1M he could retire tomorrow.

I also think his focus on the boys weekends just makes part of me sad. The last time it came up, we were talking about him and I going away for a long weekend and things weren’t great at his job so we didn’t go.  But a month later he wanted to fly to Portland for a guys weekend.

But again, it’s this sudden idea that he get his $45k back that frustrates me. He is obsessed with what money is his in the marriage and what is mine, even though his retirements accounts are higher than mine because he started maxing before me. And he doesn’t count all my parents gifts to us in his calculations. [/quote]

I have not read the whole thread, but sounds like your husband is not financially responsible. The question is whether you can change him or you need to give him some limited financial freedom.  I am in a similar boat. DH is a great father and husband, but he is very, very bad at financial planning. And he is going through a mid life crisis, and feels like he is losing his ability to make sound and logical financial decisions. Our current issue is that he wants to replace his car, which to me is totally unnecessary. You know what? I have decided to pick my battles and agreed to it. These episodes don’t happen often, and we can afford car replacement. If your family can afford 1500 dollar guy trip, just let him go. My experience is that in late 40s/early 50s, happy husband happy life. [/quote]

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