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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Probably the reason a mentally ill spouse does this is that they feel guilty they were such a pain to deal with or something when they finally come out of their irresponsibility. It's another reflection on themselves that they project to their partner.[/quote]

In my experience and my observation of an extended family with unmanaged mental disorders: they do NOT feel shame or remorse or guilt. At all.

That’s a myth that that’s why they mistreat and abuse others close to them. From shame or guilt or awareness of their issues.

There is little awareness. By the time they are adults they have so many deeply ingrained maladaptive “coping mechanisms,” such as gaslighting, deflecting, making personal attacks, stonewalling, temper tantruming, they have convinced themselves that they are always right and those who inquire are always wrong and the bad guys.

There is no guilt. It’s black and white, you are wrong, they are never wrong. It’s your fault- even their rages, breaking things, tempers, it’s never their fault. You are nuts, so are your parents, they are not. [/quote]

I agree with this, AND I think it’s both — they have a lot of defenses bc they are crippled with shame and guilt inside. It’s really quite sad. They lack a healthy sense of self.[/quote]

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