Reply to husband as "junior partner" in childrearing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] Men who pretend they can’t handle kids are playing you. In our relationship due to my job, my husband handles all aspects of child rearing. Just because someone is a man doesn’t mean they can raise a kid. The person who married the guy who waits for them to come home at 9pm is married to an a-hole and I’d leave that marriage asap. [/quote]

So that you can split custody with him where he will continue to shirk parenting duties only the consequences for your kids will be much worse? Or so he can torpedo his relationship with your kids, which will have serious repercussions for them as adults? This is why many women stay in marriages with men you are terrible partners but aren't abusive.

I don't think anyone here is saying that men can't handle kids. But the PP who talked about "playing chicken" with parenting was spot on. Men play a game of chicken with their partners regarding parenting duties, and women are far less willing to play that game when it comes to the well-being of their kids. I think it's several factors. Women tend to develop stronger bonds with children earlier in life because of pregnancy and sometimes breastfeeding, and that makes them less willing to neglect their kids in the hopes their partner will pick up the slack. There are also social consequences for women who push back on parenting duties that don't exist for men. To use the example from this thread, a woman who chose not to feed her kids dinner until 9 or 10 at night would probably get CPS called on her (or the threat would be there). But in this thread you can see what the consequences are for a man who does this -- his wife gets blamed, or he gets defended as simply "doing it differently." For a mom, that's neglect. For a dad, it's okay.

Women are truly in a bind on this. If they divorce, they hurt their kids. If they stay and play chicken, they hurt their kids AND risk social/legal repercussions. But if they stay and just go ahead and do 80% of the parenting, they're a "control freak."

You can't win, so you just figure out which of these terrible options is most palatable. For me, and a lot of women, it's to accept that people will accuse me of being controlling because at least in that scenario, my kids get what they need.[/quote]

Well, this type of guy probably doesn’t actually want 50-50 custody … [/quote]

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