Reply to My mother invited family over to come meet my five day old baby without telling me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, order the First Forty Days by Heng Ou and have you DH read it now to help you maintain healthy boundaries with family and friends, and also to just validate your instincts. You can read a paragraph here or there when you have 1 minute. It will help you feel better and know that there are millions of people out there that validate, support and agree with you.

Your mom was in the wrong. At the very least she had poor communication and timing. She should have consulted you before inviting people to your house at any point in time, and especially during your acute postpartum period.

She was rude and caught off guard so because defensive. I believe she didn’t mean any harm but her lack of empathy and doubling down when things did not go well makes me think she has an issue with defensiveness.

I would stop focusing on her for now and take this time to really care for yourself and baby. Do all you can to make things easier for yourself.

There is a reason why PPD and PPA in this country is embarrassingly high for a developed and wealthy nation. It’s not hormones either. It’s because we have terrible social systems and social expectations of new moms that leave them feeling overwhelmed, anxious, guilty, and isolated.

It’s been this way for a few generations in the US now and many older women who could be there to support and mother the new mom are instead unconsciously engrained with internalized misogynistic attitudes towards women who want more care or support. There is the underlying belief of “grow up, if I did it you can too, how spoiled of you”. They are wrong.

Across the world and for longer than recent modern times the passage into motherhood has been a revered time where the mothers nourishment and recovery and rest are of the utmost importance. This country does not support or believe that but many many women in this country do. Find your tribe and prioritize yourself so you can care for your baby and your family and don’t end up with severe PPD or PPA 6 months from now.

I wish you the very best. Your mom sounds like she is not someone who is best suited to care for you right now despite her good intentions. I’m sure she is a lovely person but that doesn’t mean she is a good fit for your needs right now. [/quote]

This!! (except for the part about op’s mother being a lovely person, which there seems no evidence to support)[/quote]

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