Reply to How much of your daily life revolves around your kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you have a full, enriching life outside of your kids, you are either a negligent parent or a rich one (or both). [/quote]

I think some of this is semantics, though. When I read "full, enriching life outside of kids," what that means to me is that you have other things in your life that are as rewarding and time consuming as parenting. That seems impossible, since parenting is both unbelievably time consuming (even with one kid, even with help, even with money) and I have found there are very few things in life as gratifying and rewarding on a profound level. Like yeah, I read books and have friends and have a couple hobbies, but do these things provide me with a deep sense of meaning and purpose the way parenting does? No.

So yes, I'm on board with parents having an identity outside of their kids. For themselves and for their kids, actually -- I think it's good for kids to see their parents living rich lives and taking care of themselves and also to not always be the center of their parents' attention at all times. But the idea of a "full" life outside your kids, assuming your kids are under age 15 or so, seems like an extremely high bar that would necessarily mean neglecting parenting to some degree.

I have a very good life and I think balanced life, but if my kid was suddenly missing from it, the sense of loss would be complete. Nothing I do matters as much to me. I know one day I will need to fill my life in a different way and I want to remember that, but for this season of life, my kid sits squarely on the front burner and that's where my focus is.[/quote]

This is exactly how I feel. I also have a very nice life, but nothing is as important as much children.[/quote]

I agree that nothing in my life is as important as my kids, but I also think having a full, enriching life outside of them can be done by meaningful work, adult friendships, and a hobby or two about which you’re passionate but don’t require a ton of time (e.g., not Ironman triathlons).  That I care deeply about my career focus is likely a big part of feeling that sense of fulfillment - and I’m fortunate that I can do what I think is meaningful work in ~40 hours/week.  My kids are absolutely on the front burner right now, and I also have things I love and can do mostly in the time they’re sleeping or in school.

Ultimately, I want to cherish this season of life while still not being so immersed in child-rearing that I’m crushed when they don’t attend HYPS, or whatever.  I want to be able to be a supportive parent to my adult kids and loving grandparent, when that time hopefully comes, not be so drained from intensive parenting that I do a 180 and focus solely on myself.  It’s a marathon, not a sprint, right?[/quote]

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