Reply to Elderly in-laws refuse to sell house that needs $200k of work, are out of money, can’t get loan

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Folks in their 80’s with a $100K mortgage they can’t service, secured by a dwelling that is falling down around their ears, are not in a good place.

Hard as it may be, you should consider the admonition to “put on your own oxygen mask first.”  If you and your husband’s siblings get dragged down with his parents everybody loses.

I wonder if you found a brand new place of manageable size, perhaps in a planned community with some amenities, you might be able to convince them that they’d be “trading up.”  This might be more effective than convincing them their sentiment-laden home isn’t suitable any more. They bought a good place. They enjoyed it. They built up equity. Now is the time to cash out and enjoy the fruits of their prudence. Bonus points if they already know somebody who lives there or near there.

I think there is software that you can use to generate illustrations of how their favorite chairs, etc., would look in the new place.

Another suggestion before selling would be to contact a lawyer who is a member of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys to perhaps incorporate Medicaid planning into any transaction. A residence that a person intends to return to (however unlikely it is that that would occur) is treated very differently than a bag of cash or something jointly owned. Assets can also move between spouses to qualify for nursing home help. I know this isn’t on the table right now, but given their age it could come up any time. [/quote]

It's just not that easy to convince people who want to stay in their home, that they should leave - even if you find them the absolute perfect place, where they would have a better quality of life.[/quote]

Really?  Say honest?  No BS?

Gosh, then, I guess it’s not worth even trying. Because staying there is such a workable result, as OP explained at length. [/quote]

Be as sarcastic as you want, but the fact is that OP can't MAKE them move if they don't want to. And suggesting that it's simply a matter of finding them a better house, then them being like "OH WOW SURE YES LET'S MOVE" is pie in the sky. Ask me how I know!

80 year olds don't want to leave their house. Even if it makes their lives worse to be there. My suggestion would be that you gird yourselves for the emergency that's going to happen at some point and force this decision in a crisis. Because that's where this is heading.

Maybe you all are more persuasive with your beloved parents and in laws than I am my sibling have managed to be.[/quote]

You might want to do some remedial reading classes. My post said nothing about making anybody do anything, nor did it ignore that many elderly people can’t see what’s best because of their attachment to their existing home. I suggested a pitch to tempt the parents into a better decision. No guarantee it will work. No guarantee it won’t. I know people who have all but fled their run down places when somebody did some legwork on alternatives.

Sorry you had a bad time, but why be so negative?[/quote]

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