Reply to I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?

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Reply to "I made a huge mistake. Never should have Married DH. Now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Umm I’m a woman (and a mom) and I think she’s overreacting to everything she’s described.  I think she needs a lot of attention, his family is over it, and she needs to grow out of that.  I can only imagine what her wedding was like.  Highly recommend couples therapy for you op. [/quote]

I wanted to elope or have something very small. MIL wanted a blow out wedding and to invite 93843984 people that we had never met, without contributing a penny. DH: "If this will make my mom happy what is the harm?" I almost called it off. I should have. It was a harbinger.[/quote]

You and your husband seem to have radically different views of the purpose of events and how much you owe to others vs yourself. The wedding is a good example. If you are the type to believe that the wedding should be the bride's special day and her wishes matter more than any other person's, then it seems absurd to defer to the MIL's wishes. If you view the wedding as primarily for others to celebrate/consecrate/solemnize the union, then it seems absurd NOT to consider the other family member's wishes MORE than the couple's or bride's. Same with births, baptisms, etc. etc.

I'm not saying you are right or wrong. What is concerning is that you seem unable to see that others might reasonably view these events differently than you do, and you attribute the different views to entirely negative traits: weakness, selfishness, "codependence", etc. And your way of responding to any sort of criticism, even gentle, is so over-the-top, that it is no wonder you haven't come to any sort of middle ground.

Again, your husband seems to suffer from a similar lack of perspective, and may be overly deferential. But the bigger problem is that you two are unable to recognize the legitimacy of different views and come to a practical middle ground.

You can get divorced if you want. You can grind out a war with your in-laws if you want. You can continue to "be right" in whatever way you think you want to be right. But you should really think about whether that's something that you want to inflict on your kids, and whether that is how you want to spend this one wild life you have.[/quote]

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