Reply to Young AC tells friends that dad is a recovering alcoholic

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What exactly are the "parenting shortcomings" you have conceded to?[/quote]
Still no answer to this. Hm. [/quote]

Sorry. OP here. I apologized for not getting her art lessons.  We did piano instead.  BC that's what she wanted at the time. I apologized for us not having a lot more money so we could pay for art school. I apologized for not being artistic myself BC she said I don't understand her artistic soul.  I've apologized for her not having a good grandmother. I've apologized for not encouraging her to apply to julliard.  She said years later that she had wanted to be a concert pianist. But she didn't practice that much. She had mentioned julliard once and I gave her a lightly skeptical look.  I've also apologized for choosing to have child/her. I've apologized for not being a trust fund family.  I've apologized for not handling her teenage tantrums better. As a teen she would get so angry and complain rant.  I never liked to engage with her so I'd tell her I couldnt talk with her until she calmed down.  She is angry about that BC she said talking would have calmed her.  There is a lot more but that's the general gist. I've also apologized for not being the mother she wanted.
  I [/quote]

Most of that's irrelevant stuff. Apologies were not warranted and I doubt they could have been very sincere. What really went on in your house that you produced a daughter who is obviously flailing sand throwing everything against the wall to see what sticks? You seem to be seeking validation there with a modified limited hangout.[/quote]

[b]Do you really think there are people out there who are doing evil things to their kids, then pretending they gave them a perfect childhood? [/b]Because the reality is that most people are doing the best they can. What are you looking for here? What kind of things do you think OP should admit, that she's "hiding"? You attitude is as juvenile as OP's DD's.[/quote]

DP. Yes, 100%, there are. And I’m not Gen Z, but a married GenX parent.[/quote]

Same. Gen X who has diagnosed C-PTSD from parent who was mentally ill and abusive but thought she was a paragon of virtue. Mind f- ing craziness. Trust, she said all the things about all the best intentions and efforts. Also trust, she ruled by fear and a few other emotions, such as pity and compassion, that a parent should not tap their child for. It was a hell that looked real good for outside appearances, so I got obsessed with outside appearances, since that was all that mattered.[/quote]

OP here. My own mother (since deceased) who was borderline with narcissistic qualities.  Appearance was everything and from the outside we looked the part.  Even up til the end of her life my mother thought she was the virtue of selfless motherhood. Even though behind closed doors things were a mess.  Even though my mother was on multiple medications, mood stabilizers etc which didn't do much imo.  She never ever acknowledged that she had an issue.  It was always her victimhood and every one else to blame.  Fly off the handle and go on a raging rant? It's BC you didn't get a better grade in your math test.  That's just the tip of the iceberg.

But yes I totally understand and expect people would be skeptical of me BC obviously this is an ounce forum and you don't know me from Bob.  And abusive, truly abusive parents are great at modelling the image and controlling the narrative.

In my real life, with my friends, I am not open about this.bc if the stigma associated with it and honestly it's pretty shocking.  I've told two of my closer friends who knew me well as we raised our children together.  My two that I confided in were pretty much speechless and confused.

Thank-you all for your thoughtful responses.  You're all well intentioned and I even need to hear constructive criticism too.  I do think I'll pull back from her and not get so stuck in the weeds.  But a personality disorders is incredibly difficult to deal with.  [/quote]

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