Reply to S/O: Dud children

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "S/O: Dud children"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My sisters kids have lived with her most of their adult lives - now in their late 20s and mid 30s. The youngest finally moved out a few years ago after years of drug addiction and related criminal activity. She moved out at the end of a restraining order so nothing to be proud of. Her ~10 year old son is being raised by his grandparents. They raised the older daughter’s kid for most of the first several years because she was a hot mess too - has alcohol and drug issues and numerous DUIs. The older grandchild is still at home raised by his grandparents much of the time and at 16 is in the juvenile justice system already on serious charges. Their son is a little less of a mess except he’s going to be 30 this year, has not sustained a functional relationship for very long, dropped out after a year of community college, works for his dad doing construction and previously worked in restaurants. He’s got a band! They’ve done nothing much. His most successful year was when he lived in an off campus apartment and sold drugs to richer kids at the local colleges. He bought a nice car.

My cousin’s kids are about the same. The younger is developmentally disabled so she’s okay. The older is perpetually pissed that her younger sister came and stole all her parents attention so she seems to have failed to launch in retaliation. She’s early 30s now, was in a long term relationship with a married man not sure if that’s still a thing. She bounced around in dumb jobs for years but I think recently she finally completed coursework to be a veterinary technician so that’s at least a solid job but still not self supporting entirely.

My brother’s kids are still too young to know - if he’s anything like our father was he will demand they either go to college or get a job and pay rent and at some point get out on their own. I think it’s a tough balance these days because housing costs are insane - but if you never push your kids out of the nest, some kids won’t leave. And if they always have a soft place to land and an open line of credit at the bank of mom and dad, it can be too easy to indulge behaviors that aren’t conducive to establishing a solid work ethic and life management skills.

I have some friends whose kids seem to be launching nicely. I have others whose kids are stuck at home and struggling. I think it is naive for any parent to think that their parenting isn’t part of the equation of how their kid turned out to be a dud. My sister is one of those who lacks all insight about this - two daughters with borderline disorder and substance use disorder and she’s raising their kids because both got pregnant when teen was part of their age and both of the grandkids have issues - well duh their moms were too messed up to form a secure attachment with them so . . . I do have some sympathy for my sister, she’s been raising kids for almost 40 years straight can you imagine? She’s the kind who puts on a public face of having it all together but she’s become an alcoholic in recent years and has admitted to me feeling suicidal at times. Imagine 40 years of parenting and not one who stands on their own two feet and manages to stay out of the police log and maybe even has a career of some kind . . .

I don’t have kids. I’m sad about that but also relieved. Kids are life’s biggest crap shoot. Between my own personal life experience and my decades working in social services/criminal justice system, I have seen absolutely EVERYTHING that kids can bring. I’ve seen parents shot dead in their bed by a beloved child, parents robbed blind by beloved kids, parents driven to terrible grief by children who committed suicide or worse, homicide. Kids can bring joy but it seems to me even good ones will suck a lot of life out of you and if you have ‘bad’ kids, the grief - or the kid - can cut your life short. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics