Reply to I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage

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Reply to "I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I never used the word "regret" but I had a ROUGH time adjusting to motherhood when I had a kid -- much longer than would be considered postpartum depression or anything clinical. It got so much better when my child got to a stage where she was easier to handle (in my case, 3ish, when she started talking in sentences, was potty trained and really independent, had a super sweet/cuddly disposition and the terrible 2 tantrums died down).

Since it sounds like your kids are older, maybe that perspective doesn't apply to you -- but maybe it does. I think of moms as similar to teachers who choose a certain age group -- of course we're not going to enjoy all the ages and stages; we all excel at a different one. My MIL, for example, is much better with middle schoolers than younger kids; my mom is great with infants but way too coddle-y for any kid older than 1. Is there a stage that you really enjoy more than others?

It sounds like some of what you dislike is the super-intensive, hands-on parenting style common in this area among overachieving parents. You don't have to buy into it! I'm a warm, loving mom but you will never see me becoming PTA president or getting down on the floor to play with my kid all day. I prize independent play and an adult-led household. I do have special moments and experiences with my child and try to always treat her with gentleness and love, but I don't center my life around my child. You can choose this path, too.

And for what it's worth, I have a great marriage, but I've straight up told my husband I do not want to hear any criticisms of my parenting and to just keep it to himself or vent to a friend. You should probably do the same; hearing his critiques is not healthy for you two.[/quote]

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