Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Nope, I’d be fine with that.

Your kid wouldn’t. And no, you don’t have some special Stepford child who wants no fun activities and nothing but grind at school, so don’t even try it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Nope, I’d be fine with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it doesn't sound like you hate having kids, just that you hate "being a mom" in the way our culture (and your husband) conceptualize it.

I too want to poke my own eyes out after spending 3 hours volunteering at my kid's school. I loathe the PTA and do not want to be involved in my kids' activities at a high level. I love them and want to make sure they have access to good opportunities. I don't mind helping with homework (real homework where they actually learn things, not the BS busywork that sometimes gets sent home) but I just want to drop my kid off at baseball practice, not be the "team mom" and prepare snacks for the whole team and show up an hour early to prep the field and whatever. Can't I just send a snack with my kid or maybe volunteer for one day of snack duty and we just pay someone to prep the field? Why does this stuff always seem to involve so much parental involvement and effort? Especially when it still costs a ton of money. We give our school a couple grand during every fundraising drive, we pay through the nose for these activities? Why do they act like without our volunteer labor, everything would fall apart?

I think there is this expectation that being an involved parent has to mean something so high level and intensive, especially for moms. It's not reasonable. I have a job, I have my own social life, I've given up a lot for my kids (happily, I adore them) but I don't need to make "mom" my entire identity. I don't see how that helps them anyway. Isn't part of my job as a parent to set an example and show them what a functional adult looks like? Shouldn't they see me taking care of myself, taking time for myself, being reasonable about my commitments and being willing to say "no" when someone is asking for more than I can give? I don't want to be a mommy martyr, and I don't want to teach my kids that moms must be martyrs.

My DH, by the way, doesn't do any of this volunteer stuff and no one gives him crap about it. He helps with homework and shows up for the recital and people applaud him for being an involved dad, instead of giving him grief for not doing more. I hold myself to that same standard. My kids are happy and well-adjusted and our family gets along well. I don't need to do more.

As for the kids bickering, some of that is inevitable (kids bicker) but I also wonder if part of it is that they are picking up on disagreement between you and your DH, or your unhappiness, and it's contributing to more discord.

Not OP. I know you are trying to help, but your post comes off as judgmental, defensive, and self-centered AF. You say you don't need to make "mom" your entire identity, but it sounds like you don't want "mom" to inconvenience your life in any way at all. You think spending money makes you a good mom, and rather than thank the other mothers whose different approach actually makes a difference in YOUR kids' lives you appear to hold them in contempt.

In short, you sound like an awful person, and I wonder how your kids will treat you as adults. I'm betting whatever relationship you have will be superficial at best. But I'm also betting you won't care about that either.

DP. It’s fine if other Moms want to spend time running the Scholastic book fair, but it’s also OK that I think that’s crappy. Scholastic books suck and cost money and the whole thing excludes kids who can’t afford to buy books. I also don't think elaborate Halloween parties, Provide Lunch for Teachers Day, Bring Flowers to Teachers Day, etc. is a waste of time. Please don’t imagine that what you are doing is necessary for my child or you are somehow taking up my slack.

I agree with top poster who agrees it’s better NOT to model mommy martyrdom. Being a good mom does not and should not require women (or men) to sacrifice themselves for their kids. I have seen many professionally successful women who don't participate in PTA, send their kids with a nanny to sports practice, order takeout, etc. Their kids still live them and ate not emotionally scarred.

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy being a mother but certainly do not like some of the things you describe. Playing kid board games is painful. Pretend play is painful. I like to take the kids to museums and things like that. I like to cook with them. I enjoy certain volunteering at the school but loathe other things. I think the difference is that because I think I enjoy motherhood and that I am a decent mother, I do not feel guilty about the stuff I do not do. Find a few things you enjoy doing with your kids. Forget the rest. Good mothers come in all sorts of actions. One does not need to martyr her life to be a good mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you feel guilty because American culture glorifies helicopter attachment blah blah parenting. I am the child of immigrants and my parents never played with me or chaperoned a field trip or even volunteered at the school and it was fine! I grew up to be successful career-wise and am married with a child. I am also super close to my parents. My mother loves shopping and some of my fondest memories are shopping with my mother, aunt and sister. Figure out an activity you enjoy and try and include your children and that's it.

This. Sorry but a lot of the SAHM play with kids all day moms are creepy and it’s not even good for the kids. Your job isn’t to entertain your kids. Yes, it’s good to be around and know what’s going on in their lives, but playing with them offers little benefit at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Oh girl are you kidding me, I’d pop a bottle of champagne!!!! Look, do that $hit if you find it genuinely fulfilling but please don’t have any illusions that you’re doing the rest of us any favors!!

I would love it if every parent was like you. We could do away with all of this nonsense. But I love that you think the people doing the grunt work on all this crap find it “genuinely fulfilling” 😂

Another one for popping a bottle of champagne. I don't remember having all this stuff as a kid - and that was when there were plenty of SAHMs. School was school. If there was a field day, the gym teachers organized it and invited parents, not the other way round.

Really? How old are you and where did you grow up? "All this stuff" has been a fixture in the DMV for generations.

Anonymous wrote:OP, it seems like you are trying to fit yourself into a mold of what you think a mom should be, and it’s making you miserable (your husband isn’t helping). If you don’t like crafts and board games, don’t do it! There must be some things you like that your kids also like - they’re big enough to do some “grownup” things.

I am also a mom who doesn’t really enjoy doing crafts or pretend play. So I do other things instead. I read with the kids, we take lots of walks, we bake/cook together. My husband and I also each make sure to do one kid-free thing each week - he plays golf with his buddies, I go to see friends or go browse the thrift store or whatever else I want to do. It helps. A lot of parenthood can be a grind and it’s easy to start feeling ground down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Oh girl are you kidding me, I’d pop a bottle of champagne!!!! Look, do that $hit if you find it genuinely fulfilling but please don’t have any illusions that you’re doing the rest of us any favors!!

I would love it if every parent was like you. We could do away with all of this nonsense. But I love that you think the people doing the grunt work on all this crap find it “genuinely fulfilling” 😂

Another one for popping a bottle of champagne. I don't remember having all this stuff as a kid - and that was when there were plenty of SAHMs. School was school. If there was a field day, the gym teachers organized it and invited parents, not the other way round.

Really? How old are you and where did you grow up? "All this stuff" has been a fixture in the DMV for generations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Oh girl are you kidding me, I’d pop a bottle of champagne!!!! Look, do that $hit if you find it genuinely fulfilling but please don’t have any illusions that you’re doing the rest of us any favors!!

I would love it if every parent was like you. We could do away with all of this nonsense. But I love that you think the people doing the grunt work on all this crap find it “genuinely fulfilling” 😂

Another one for popping a bottle of champagne. I don't remember having all this stuff as a kid - and that was when there were plenty of SAHMs. School was school. If there was a field day, the gym teachers organized it and invited parents, not the other way round.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Oh girl are you kidding me, I’d pop a bottle of champagne!!!! Look, do that $hit if you find it genuinely fulfilling but please don’t have any illusions that you’re doing the rest of us any favors!!

I would love it if every parent was like you. We could do away with all of this nonsense. But I love that you think the people doing the grunt work on all this crap find it “genuinely fulfilling” 😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I fully agree with what so many of you are saying. But I can also see in so many of these posts that the people saying they shouldn’t ever have to help would probably be pretty upset if the school suddenly stopped doing any of the “fun” stuff. If the school stopped the holiday parties, field day, festivals, field trips, etc. you’d be the first Karen through the door.

Nope, I’d be fine with that.