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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I had zero help from our parents paying for college (pr wedding, house, etc). Neither did any of our friends that I'm aware of.

I see on other posts people saving in the thousands per month which is crazy to me. That's more than our mortgage.

We are solidly middle class and everyone in our circles went to state schools.

We save $150/month per kid and felt like we would be giving them a huge head start in life if we give them any money towards college.

[b]Are we horrible parents?[/b][/quote]

No. This is cultural. We are Asian-Americans and we will live on PB&J sandwiches if needed, just so we could give an edge to our children by paying for their college, wedding, helping with childcare etc.  Saving for a rainy day is ingrained in us and culturally parents are expected to be the providers. This is true if we lived in Asia or in any other continent. There was no reason for Americans to save for all of that because it is a different culture and people had options to make money without college education.  Now the situation has changed in the US and world.  College education is becoming more and more important for the modern society, college education is exorbitantly expensive and the economic options available to most people without college degree is fast shrinking. The new reality is such that it is a huge leg-up if parents can pay for their kid's college and help with things like wedding, house and even childcare.

Similarly, culturally in Asia, families were multi-generational and it helped with elder care, childcare, economic ups and downs etc.  There was no need in America of past for families to pool their resources and live together so it did not happen.  As the world is changing and as the pandemic has shown us - we may need to go back to such mulyi-gen living to meet the realities and challenges of the modern age. [/quote]

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