Reply to Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t know, OP.  It could be him/her, or it could be you.  I am extremely wary of women who dislike their partner’s daughters.

My mother died when I was a teen.  My dad threw himself into dating, and would take the advice and modify his lifestyle to suit each new woman.  Many of them seemed to view me as competition, some kind of useless leech about whom they needed to “show” my dad the truth.

Here are some things my dad’s girlfriends viewed as “bratty”, “clingy”, and generally unreasonable:

1.  Wanting to be allowed to have a high school graduation party (small, just a few friends, and we were studious, well-behaved kids) at home.

2. Asking my dad for a bottle of perfume for my 17th birthday (my dad was financially comfortable and the perfume was expensive for perfume; my dad’s girlfriend ranted and raved about how a girl my age had no business with something like that, and SHE was happy with the Body Shop when she was my age.  Also, this was months after my mom’s death).

3. Wanting my dad to come to my college graduation.  He didn’t, finally, because she “needed” him to help her pick out a new car.

4.  Asking if I could live at home until I had saved a down payment for an apartment.  This would have taken a few months because I had a job lined up after graduation.  The answer was ultimately no.

5.  Asking my dad to LEND me a down payment for my first apartment right after college.  I had a job lined up but nowhere to go from the dorms and no money for a down payment.  He ultimately refused, after much talk with his girlfriend who said I needed to “learn to make it” on my own.  The story of how I lived for a few months until I got a down payment makes me so angry for my 22 year old self.

Sorry, but I have learned that women are naturally distrustful of a partner’s daughter, and they never, ever view the partner’s daughter they way they would their own child.

[/quote]

This is called projecting. See a therapist. She was absolutely correct about #2 and #5.  . And your dad agreed to these things. His choice he was a grown man. So you should be mad at him too.[/quote]

What rotting fruit did this responder crawl out from under?  
It's wrong for a 17 year old to ask for perfume as a present?
Refusing to help a kid get domiciled after college graduation?  Additionally, it was a loan, not a freebie?  
What kind of parent is this?   [/quote]

They can ask for whatever they want but sn expensive perfume is ridiculous especially for a 17. That would likely be on the pay for it in part with money from your job savings or if you got good grades.  Etc  The bigger issue is at 30+ years old pp and people like her still thinks she was wronged by not getting this perfume. She's projecting her issues onto op. Not fair to op. Spoiling your kids does nothing but make them rotten.
[/quote]

You should try reading again. PP said she was considered bratty for wanting it.

My suspicion is that PP’s mom would have gotten her the perfume, or at least considered it. Then her mom passes away and suddenly she has a stepmother telling her dad how much to spend on her. [/quote]

I actually doubt it. I think mom probably was the one to reign things in but since she's passed pp doesn't recall that instead she's transferred all her anger at her mother's passing and her only living parent to her stepmother 
[/quote]

I am the daughter who posted this.  No, my mom was not “the one to reign things in” because I wasn’t a spoiled, demanding child.  At the time I asked for the bottle of perfume (for my 17th birthday, not just because!), I had a 4.0 and worked a part-time job.  My dad ASKED me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told him that what I wanted the most was a bottle of Organza perfume.  Later, his girlfriend came over and I heard her ranting to my dad about how when she was my age, the Body Shop was good enough for her and that he should get me a $20 gift card to the Body Shop, not the bottle of Organza.  (And he did give me the $20 gift card to the Body Shop, with a card that had her name on it as well as his, even though they had only been dating a few months).  I have a teen of my own now, and honestly, I would not regard my child as a spoiled brat if she told me she wanted a bottle of perfume after I asked her about birthday presents.

As for lending me the money so that I could have a place to stay after graduation, I provided that for my son two years ago, happily.  I don’t see how that makes him a spoiled brat, either.  Not only did I GIVE him the down payment for an apartment, I “allowed” him to live at home for six months first.  My dad’s girlfriend wouldn’t let me do either of those things, and I ended up in a room in a hoarder house I found on Craigslist, free in exchange for work (and sexual harassment from the father of that house).

Sorry, but I wasn’t a spoiled brat.  The things I requested were very reasonable.  I was a good kid with good grades, and my mom’s death hit me hard.  It would have meant so much for someone to have put me first during that time.  But even if there hadn’t been the issue with my mom, it wasn’t only one of my dad’s girlfriends who resented me.  This was a theme.  I think there must be some kind of evolutionary tic programmed into women, ensuring that they remain wary and combative to unrelated women in their next.  I really believe that.

OP, it’s clear you are jealous.  Whether you admit that or not, you don’t like that she has a relationship with her dad that doesn’t include you.  Please just move on.[/quote]

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