Reply to How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?

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Reply to "How do you prepare for a lonely old age? And how to avoid being lonely when you're old?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the OP.

To the PP who claims that all over Europe multiple generations live under one roof, this is not quite accurate.

I have relatives and friends in Europe and it is definitely not the norm where they live. It may be more common in southern European countries  (e.g. in Spain, Italy, Greece etc.) but it is not as common in northern Europe where people move into nursing homes, Assisted Living and other facilities.

The downside is that there are often long waiting lists to get into nursing homes and AL. 
A relative in Europe told me there currently is a waiting list of 1500 people in one of her local nursing homes, and some people put themselves on the waiting list years before they even want to move in there.[/quote]

This. We have friends in Italy from when I lived there for a year as a child. Their adult daughter is under their roof because she is financially dependent on them. She is divorced (no children) and lost her job. There are big unemployment issues. I assume if they support her for years she will stay and take care of them, but that certainly isn't the same as expecting your independent working adult children who have their own children to drop everything for your needs.

I still keep in touch with the a friend from when I stayed with a family in Spain in high school as an exchange student. Her set up is the parents were nannies for many years to her kids, but live separately in the same building.  They also brought over meals frequently and would take the kids for weeks at a time so she could vacation with just her husband. It's a very loving family. There is no stress at the thought of being there for her own parents because they scarified so much, but really it wasn't a sacrifice because they truly adore their grandchildren and adult kids and the spouses. That is so different from when you have parents who didn't help you much during the most stressful parenting issues, weren't very nurturing as parents yet have massive expectations for what you will do as they age.

One more scenario to share...our current down the street neighbors are from Italy originally. They are constantly going to their adult daughter's house to help with the grandkids and make life easier for them. She truly loves it and has a warm relationship with all 3 of her daughters and the spouses. Interesting to note, she did not care for her own parents in Italy. I had a heart to heart with her which was so comforting. They were much like my parents-not warm and very into their own lives with lots of pressure to keep up appearances. While I get frequent guilt trips for not doing enough, she told me she admired me for what i do. She stopped for years even going back to Italy because she couldn't take it. She returned to annual visits to see her siblings once her parents passed. So much depends on the personalities of those involved.

Back to OP, I have posted before I think to say I have some childless elders who were in continued care before passing. I will say they seemed to age much better than those with adult kids. they built community and didn't waste days obsessing over what everyone should be doing for them. My great aunt had a group of people she paid and checks and balances in place. Her accountant, case manager and lawyer took care of managing things and audited eachother. We visited her, but did not attend to any of that. We could just enjoy seeing her.[/quote]

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