Reply to Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time

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Reply to "Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This whole conversation makes me extremely anxious about my relationship with my future DILs/SILs.  Am i going to be expected to pay for time with my children in the future by footing the bill for everything always and if I don't I am A$$hole MIL?  Like if I want to plan a trip to go skiing, am I even allowed to ask if they want to come without assuming the costs for their flights, car, food, lift tickets, everything?  My only real splurge now is our family trips and there is no way in the future I can afford adding 3 spouses and all their children to the tab.  Isn't realistic to expect adults to pay some of their way?[/quote]

There is a HUGE difference between renting a large ski chalet as a “gift” to all your children (but expecting them to spend thousands on airfare and can rentals) vs. saying, “Would any of you like to join us for skiing this winter?  We could go to A B or C resorts” (with prices listed).

People are not inherently resentful of paying for visits with extended family.  It is the manipulation factor of someone planning a trip and then demanding that other’s pay to make it happen.  If we are all paying, then the planning should happen as a group.  And if something is a command performance (e.g., it’s our 50th anniversary, it’s our retirement, whatever), then it is extra rude to be making such expensive demands of your kids.[/quote]

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