Reply to Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time

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Reply to "Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This whole conversation makes me extremely anxious about my relationship with my future DILs/SILs.  Am i going to be expected to pay for time with my children in the future by footing the bill for everything always and if I don't I am A$$hole MIL?  Like if I want to plan a trip to go skiing, am I even allowed to ask if they want to come without assuming the costs for their flights, car, food, lift tickets, everything?  My only real splurge now is our family trips and there is no way in the future I can afford adding 3 spouses and all their children to the tab.  Isn't realistic to expect adults to pay some of their way?[/quote]

It really depends on the situation and the people involved. Mostly, when my husband and I travel with either his parents or mine, the parents will pay for the biggest expenses. We'll take them out to dinner a whole bunch of times. If either of our parents were in a situation where it would be a hardship for them to cover the bigger expenses, of course we would do it - but that would change the trips we're taking. (They have more money than we do. So we'd have to find more budget-friendly options.)

I think the problem is when you announce: As a family, we are going to XYZ place on ABC days and you are expected to be there, and you will be paying a lot of money to do it. It's the imperiousness mixed with the cost (vacation time and $) that makes it hard. No one wants to disappoint their families or their in laws (I don't think) but being in a position where you are expected to spend money that you don't really have to spend, and use up precious vacation time, and you get no say in it - that's a toxic combo.

So just be sensitive to costs and be sensitive to being demanding, is my suggestion.

And, just, FWIW - I really enjoy going places with my parents and with my in laws. But we have a lot of collaboration when deciding on trips. I have less say with my in laws - their trips are usually to places I'd never pick on my own - but I also don't feel like they are micromanaging every second of our day, or making demands that pose hardships. [/quote]

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