Reply to Why do you blame your DIL/SIL instead of your son/brother?

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Reply to "Why do you blame your DIL/SIL instead of your son/brother?"

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[quote=Anonymous]This is not complicated.

(The general answer to the general question, that is.)

Other PPs have touched on it.

Women are socialized to do all of the emotional labor of maintaining relationships, [i]and[/i] the cognitive household labor involved in things like buying gifts and planning trips.

Women are also socialized to expect this of other women.

QED

A PP on the first page said, "Its because it is so easy to blame the wife if something is wrong and if something is right, it is their loving son who did it."

I do think this also sometimes comes into it, and I know this is a part of why my MIL blamed me for her son not being closer to his parents. I mean, she also blamed her son, but very much blamed me, much moreso than her son, and even made up fantasies about why I don't like family (what) and am not close with mine (not true-- actually, even DH is very close with my family). In fact, I was constantly pushing him to communicate with his family, and anything we did with or for his parents was because of me. But it's too painful to put all or sometimes any of the blame on your own kid, whom, after all, you raised.

THAT SAID

You rarely see fathers-in-law blaming their sons-in-law for their own daughters not communicating with them. You might see mothers-in-law do this, but not as often as you see them blaming DsIL for their sons' emotional distance. Because fostering close relationships is a woman's job, dontcha know. Regardless of whose relationships those might be.
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