Reply to Friend who shunned me when I divorced has gotten in touch

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my experience, the person who is getting divorced is the one who does the ghosting. This has happened multiple times. They kind of disappear.

My childhood best friend is twice divorced. She kind of spiraled out of control both times. First time she was a wreck. She had a mental breakdown. Second divorce she started blaming others and was just plain awful to everyone. Both times she kind of disappeared and didn’t want to deal with people. We have recently reconnected. I didn’t drop her. I just gave her some space.

We have many friends who were family friends who went through divorce. Every single one of them became silent and stopped socializing for a while..understandably. One friend is going through a divorce now.[b] The husband hangs out with my Dh but she won’t even respond to a happy new year text to me.[/b] She used to at least respond to emails and texts but now she just ignores them. If she reaches out after the dust settles, I wouldn’t hold it against her. My son had a good friend who I thought his mom was so rude and flaky. I found out they went through a bad divorce during that time. Later, she became a good friend. I still remember thinking she was so rude and how I wrote her off.[/quote]

My ex was abusive. I would also not respond to people who continued to be friends with him, if they knew. My guess is that she feels vulnerable and exposed by your husband still hanging out with her EX husband. No shame in that. I did the very same. People who continued to maintain relationships with an abusive man were simply not people I wanted in my life, it was a purposeful choice. [/quote]

Pp here. The husband is not abusive. The friend never once talked about their marital problems to me. Our kids were friends from preschool and we used to hang out when kids were younger. She would always say my son was her son’s best friend. Their divorce was recently finalized and she just moved out. I only know this because of DH. A mutual friend recently asked if I had spoken to her recently and I just said no. I didn’t want to spread gossip about their divorce. Mutual friend did say she has been MIA for a long time even before pandemic and I just agreed that she has been silent to me too. So I don’t think it it just me.[/quote]

I hope your friend wasn't abusive but seeming like a nice guy and the wife not talking about it doesn't mean he wasn't. It is so humiliating to be the victim of abuse that you often keep silent about it. This is anonymous but I have only ever told a few people IRL that my ex slammed me against the wall several times and punched me in the stomach.

I hope they just drifted apart and noone was a jerk but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. [/quote]

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