Reply to Feeling extremely discouraged. A rant.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Feeling extremely discouraged. A rant."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]It sounds to me like this resentment has been building for a long time on your side. I personally get where you are coming from and would feel much as you do. But the main question you need to answer for yourself is — do I want to keep this marriage?

From the way he acts I am guessing he feels victimized by your resentment, accusations/ criticism etc. He doesn’t feel valued and appreciated by you. That’s why he is lashing out with blame and defensiveness. He probably has a lot of issues to sort out himself. But the problem is that he isn’t going to do that while he is in defiance mode.

It doesn’t matter who is “right” about all this. Just tell him that he’s right, this is v stressful on both of us, we need to get childcare and each pay for our share of it. If he doesn’t agree to ending that fight with a practical solution then you will need to discuss in counseling.

As for the bigger picture, I’m guessing he has some real mommy issues and you have some unresolved childhood issues as well around taking too much responsibility for others and not focusing on your own well being. Those take time to unpack. If you’re both willing, you can look at the relationship from a more objective perspective and see what you want or don’t want. As wearying and annoying as this period with young children is, I can tell you that you’re nearly at the end of it and new parenting challenges will come up: the team roles and who contributes what might shift.

In the meantime, do what you need to do to make your own life a bit easier. You may need to learn that you’re the only one who can do that for yourself. Shift from a mindset of being responsible for everything to asking yourself how to fill your cup first. Maybe it means taking a sick day. Maybe it means hiring help. Maybe it means putting the kids in front of a nature documentary, ordering take out, and sitting in the bath by yourself for 20 minutes. Or maybe it’s just lying in bed and talking to yourself with some kindness and compassion. Whatever you can do to care for yourself will help alleviate some of the resentment you feel from not being cared for in this marriage. Underneath what you’re saying about him, what I hear is a little voice saying that you wish you could be taken care of. Honor that voice and what it’s telling you, and maybe you’ll start to see that he is doing some things right (or maybe not — but you will just see it and accept it, not resent it).[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics