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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know,op. Sounds like she initiated and wanted to surprise/please you. She needs encouragement, not accusations of cheating. You're about to blow up your marriage for flawed suspicions [/quote]

This.

She groomed for you and expected a reaction. You blew it.

I groom extra short when I expect oral. [/quote]

OP here, she doesn't like oral anymore.  Used to love it. Yes, we aren't in a good spot, but she insists she's happy or at least content. I know it's hard to fathom, I am not happy with this and as you could see I would find it far better to be cheated on than denied [/quote]

Dude, I’m fairly certain she is cheating.[/quote]

But if I have told her repeatedly I am open to non-monogamy, why wouldn't she be honest? Maybe you are right and I am a sucker[/quote]

Um, that's why she doesn't want to have sex with you.[/quote]

Agree.  Hearing your spouse wants to have sex with others is soul crushing.  You want to be loved by your spouse more than anyone in the world and for most women, sex=love.  What she’s hearing is: you don’t love me completely...and you certainly don’t love me the way I love you.

Worse, she thinks:  I AM NOT ENOUGH

That causes somebody’s heart to grow cold.  It causes you to fall out of love.  To just not care.

I got like your wife for awhile after my spouse became rather arrogant and demanding.  I WAH and did so much of the kid stuff that I was bone tired.  He would come home late, miss us as I went out the door to drive to sports practices (after cooking and feeding them an early dinner), I’d get home close to 9pm, do the nighttime stuff...finally eat dinner with him and fall into bed.  He worked out while we were gone, was relaxed and then resentful when I was too tired.

My resentment built and built until I really didn’t like his touch anymore.  On weekends, he was ready to party and play the part of Mr Social and always wanted more, more, more when I needed to recharge.  It was exhausting.

I just turned inside.  I focused on the kids and watched as grew more entitled and more of a grandiose prick with our friends.

That’s how I ended up like your wife.  The more he put me down for having no libido, being asexual, etc. the worse it got and the more depressed I got.[/quote]

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