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[quote=Anonymous]I stayed with my DH after he cheated. The most important factor to me was my spouse’s willingness to participate in therapy and recovery to get to the root of the cheating.

Some people cheat because it is easy and they can. My spouse cheated as a result of unresolved severe childhood trauma.  He developed a sex addiction that spiraled out of control - massage parlors, prostitutes, affairs, one night stands, 3x a day masterbation  I discovered the cheating a year ago, and he’s been faithful since. He participates in individual therapy, couples therapy, sexaholic anonymous meetings, and has an SA sponsor.

He disclosed all his cheating through disclosure and answered all my questions. He also agreed to all my terms of staying together- continued therapy, active recovery in SA (sponsor and meetings), open electronics and finances, complete transparency on his whereabouts, etc.

We are closer now than we’ve ever been. His recovery brought a lot of issues to light, and he shares those issues with me. In the recovery, we’ve learned so much about each other. The trauma of the betrayal was incredibly painful, and I did a lot of work on my own healing. At the end of the day, I didn’t want to give up on him when he was at his lowest if he was willing to work on his recovery.  In my healing I was able to developed empathy for him. I also learned that the cheating had nothing to do with me and wasn’t a reflection of our relationship. He was an addict and sex was his high.

I’m not happy every day, but most days we are happy. My spouse showed me his most ugly and shameful sides of himself. And I stood by him. He is so grateful and shows that every day. [/quote]

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