Reply to Therapist Won't Condemn my Partner's Affair.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry if I wasn't clear. My partner had an affair. I only discovered because I saw their texts. We decided to try counseling. Partner has yet to apologize or admit they were wrong.

On first visit, the therapist said they were not in a position to make judgement on whether the affair was wrong.

I need there to be an admission and recognition of wrongdoing in order to proceed toward forgiveness.

I was raised that you apologize when you're wrong.[/quote]

You may ultimately get that apology from your husband (more likely you will not), but your therapist is right and if a condition for your active participation in therapy is for the therapist to take your side, therapy isn't going to work for you.

[/quote]

Well, I’m not a therapist, but I can tell you for certain your partner screwed you over and won’t apologize. Hasten thee to divorce court. What’s a therapist going to do?[/quote]

If you want to save the marriage, it would be a good idea to give your husband a little time to come around.  My husband had an emotional affair (he fell in love with another woman although he claims it didn't get physical, I'll never know for sure).  We were married for 30 years at the time.  We went to therapy and he continually claimed that they were just friends, there was nothing wrong with it etc.  He told me a lot of lies over about 5 years and this is what I concentrated on getting him to see how damaging this was to our relationship.  I also told him it was either her or me, he couldn't have both.  It took a good 6 months but eventually he saw the error of his ways and completely changed his behavior.  It's almost 8 years ago now and he still has trouble talking about it because he feels so guilty.  I wish he could talk about it more but we are working on that.  [/quote]

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