Reply to Frustrated with folks who never reciprocate dinner invites

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you are a bean-counter. Accept it. But please try to remind yourself that others are not intentionally setting out to slight you or be unfriendly. [/quote]

Thank you for your perspective. Not the name calling though - not thanking you for that (does that qualify as said "bean-counting")? LOL[/quote]

"Bean-counting " is not necessarily pejorative. It is descriptive as to how people view relationships. This is how you view the world - in transactional terms. Not something I particularly enjoy in a friendship, but I also accept that this is an ingrained part of your personality. I'm sure there's some kind of Myers-Briggs kind of scale that maps out how people approach friendships.

But seriously, invite people for dinner because you enjoy cooking. If you don't like it, don't do it. Order in catered food or agree to meet friends at a restaurant. We're not really living in a dinner-party world here. I don't think I've been invited to a sit down dinner in ages, but have been to cookouts. I don't have great outdoor spaces, so I do more "open houses" with a spread of food. If you think some of your friends are "users", drop them. But other than that, I see people when I see people. [/quote]

It seems like a lot of people really don't understand hospitality (like PP).  Hosting something at your home and then hoping for a return invite is not really transactional.  I host gatherings so that I and others have an opportunity to socialize.  I am providing the effort and means to make a setting for people to enjoy each other.  When you endlessly accept invitations and never reciprocate (and if someone enjoys you as a friend, they don't care about your decor, food budget or cooking skills), you are saying that those people are not worth the effort or sacrifice to create an opportunity to get together.  You may be fine with that message, but please don't be surprised if people who like you, who are willing to open their homes to you, and who are willing to actually work for your enjoyment are then disappointed when you don't like them as much.

All of the hurdles that people talk about (and there was an extensive thread on this a few weeks ago on "Off-Topic") like house, budget, lack of skills, etc. can be overcome.  There are lots of hostesses/hosts on DCUM who could give you suggestions that fit any budget or situation.  Obviously a friend going through cancer or a divorce isn't expected to be party planning, but most of the excuses are just rationalizations about why people don't want to extend themselves.[/quote]

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