Reply to Daughter is daughter for life... son until marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL.  Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it. [/quote]

+1[/quote]

My husband is welcome to send pics, facetime, call his parents, organize a visit, do the craft project with the kids to send them, take the time to share the stories about them etc with his family.  He chooses not to.  This has nothing to do with what I choose or don't choose to do with my own mother.  I'm not controlling access, his parents just failed to raise him to care and they all just hoped I'd take on the responsibility of maintaining an adult relationship vs a one way parent / child relationship[/quote]

Same here. I never ever block access, I never say no to visits, but I also don't lift a finger to set anything up and I don't send photos or updates. I am not responsible for maintaining that relationship and my husband doesn't seem to miss his parents or care about sharing information with them.    [/quote]

I just can't imagine if people put the same expectations on men.  He never reaches out to my parents, never coordinates visits, never sends a pic, never shares funny stories, and only hangs out with him for a portion of the time that they visit.  Is he "with holding acess" to our kids or controlling my relationship with my parents??[/quote]

THIS. So much this. If I didn’t keep in touch with my parents/side of the family they would blame me, not DH. But ILs automatically blame the son’s wife- it is a Major theme of this board. [/quote]

And it's quite weird when you think about it.  Why would a DIL who is new to the family be responsible for communication between mother and son?  Imagine getting married and ringing up your MIL and telling her you are ringing to catch up for her son, wouldn't she be thinking, why isn't my son calling me, the DIL would then get the blame for being interferring and weird.  I guess as a DIL you can't win.

No one ever thinks that the husband has a role to play between the mother and daughter.  Things have changed, women now work and they don't have as much time to devote to keeping everyone updated.  If the mother and son have a good healthy relationship prior to marriage then that will remain.  Things don't go south just because of a new marriage, there was probably always some dysfunction to start with.[/quote]

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