Anonymous wrote:This is timely! We are having this issue right now. No time with the Grandkids because they spend all holidays with the DIL's family!

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Anonymous wrote:It has to do with the truth that women, not men, shape families and households, and all things being equal, a woman will be closer to her own mother than to her MIL. Add the truth that access to grandchildren is granted through their mother, and there you have it.

It is unfortunately true in very traditional or less educated families.

Exactly. Not all of us are stuck in 1950, thanks.

LOL right, that's exactly the reason why all the UMC, graduate-degreed ladies in the Expectant Mothers forum are like, I don't want my MIL in the L&D room or in my house after the birth, I want my mooooom. Because we are all exactly just as close our MILs as we are to our own mother. Sure. You bet. No difference at all.

Let’s see. I know my mom for 35 years, 18 of which we lived in the same house. I’ve know my MIL and FIL for 3 years and have seen them 3x a year for 3-10 days each time. We’re all close enough but they are from another country and lived very simple lives so can’t relate to our jobs, our houses, our schedules.

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Anonymous wrote:It’s not at all true in my family or DH’s. Seems like a relic of the past.

It's a relic of human nature. Even if it's not true in your family, isn't rather obvious in the grand scheme of things that adult women tend to remain closer to their families than men do?

Spoken like another ignorant American.

This is an AMERICAN thing. I'm Asian and my DH, brothers, extended family....all of the men are close to their parents.

My observation living in the US is that nearly all of your families are broken, dysfunctional, and fractured. Sons and daughters. Probably why so many of you have to fill your bodies with antidepressants and anxiety meds. Life is not easy when you don't have a tight knit family for support. I consider my DHs family my family too.. life is much easier when you have dozens of people you can lean on when needed.

You sound very needy and subservient. Must be a cultural thing?[/quote]

NP, but as a Vietnamese-American with a Vietnamese mom and an American (GI) dad, you must not know many Asian women, LOL!??

NP the asian girls at work are very close to their own families and their in-laws. In fact they have very little say in the run of their own lives. Where they live, what house to buy, what car to buy, taking care of children is heavily influenced by all the parents ie the parents tell them what to do. They must go to dinner numerous times a week to each family, they must obey what their parents decide.

Sometimes having plenty of hands available can be helpful and sometimes it can be suffocating. Whilst they all say how great it is, I do wonder what it would be like going through life with no responsibility because your parents are there to make every decision for you. But then again one told me she was pregnant with a baby in her belly, so maybe it just keeps you infantile through life.

You're nuts. You make this assessment because you "work with some Asian girls"?

I'm an Asian dentist that owns my own private practice. I employ 3 dentists, 1 orthodontist, more than a dozen hygienists, and a handful of back office personnel.

Yes. I am very close to my parents and in laws. Yes they put me through dental school and spend hundreds of thousands on me. Yes, they watch my 3 children while DH and I work because we don't believe in strangers raising our kids. No, my parents don't tell me what to do and when to eat. I'm a business owner and am lucky to wat dinner at all. I have lots and lots of successful Asian colleagues who are also leaders in thr medical field and I can assure you we dont take orders, but we do give orders to a lot of Americans

Great. You are pretty much saying the same story to me, the girls at work also got money from their parents to buy their houses, however the parents were heavily involved in the buying process. They all live near one another, within 5 minutes. They also don't believe in strangers raising their children so their mothers watch their children as well and have a say in that process. They are very close to their parents as well. Yeah all the same thing and I bet you eat dinner with them each week, every week.

I'm glad you give orders to a lot of Americans wink, how special of you.

American families are often more independent which of course can sometimes be dysfunctional and sometimes be loving and caring. Asian families and Latino families are different and not as independent. Just because you are in each others business all day every day doesn't make it healthy or loving. It can be great such as in your family or it can be dysfunctional. How many toxic Asian mother in law threads have we seen on this forum.

I find the posters who come here claiming that their culture is so much better are quite ignorant, no matter how much education you have you can still be dumb in other ways. There are dysfunctional families in every culture and I was originally replying to the obnoxious poster who stated that nearly all families in the US are fractured and broken. How utterly ridiculous.

Then there was the comment that the poster appeared quite subservient which was responded with you must not know many Asian women. Well I guess I thought Asian's were expected to respect their elders, certainly the people I know live by this idea and do appear to be subservient to their parents, they are suppose to listen to their parents and be guided by them. This is coming from them, not something I am making up.

I just think it's ridiculous to put all people in a box and say this is what it is like. All cultures have close and loving families and all cultures have dysfunctional families. If you think your way is better good for you, but the way the post was written was obnoxious and quite vile in it's nature.