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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m on the brink and the only thing at this point holding me back is fear of the unknown. I’m not sure exactly WHAT I’m afraid of- loneliness? Embarrassment about my failed marriage?

I’d love to know what to expect in terms of life, dating again, so on.

I am 35, attractive, 2 young kids (one has mild SN and is a huge handful). I work a lot but have a high income (particularly for a woman my age, I’m probably in the 1%). But, I also probably won’t have money to burn given the increased expenses associated with divorce.

I have a nagging feeling that the dating scene is rough.[/quote]

Look at your life now, and then subtract every contribution currently made by your husband.  Be very very realistic about his contributions, even the ones you do not currently notice.  Lots of women I see who want to divorce think that their life will be exactly as it was less the husband.

Does he take out the trash? Carry your heavy bags? Cares for the kids while you take yoga or have dinner with a friend? Replaces AC filter? Takes the car to the shop? Brings money?  Now it's you taking the car to the shop, carrying heavy bags, staying with kids and there is no more money.

Also, be very very clear about what your husband means to you emotionally.  You may hate him right now and possibly for good reasons.  Now imagine him pairing up with a hot young woman six months from now.  Not saying that he will, but how will you feel if he does? What about if he has children with her and your children are now second in line? Again, not to say it will happen but how will you feel if it does?

Visualize parenting remotely.  Figure out how you feel about that.  Visualize having the same argument about parenting difference but this time without the softening factor of "she's my wife after all".

You may have very good reasons for divorce, no one really knows that but you.  But something tells me that you haven't really visualized what your life realistically will be like post divorce. [/quote]

PP here. I think you vastly underestimate people who are serious considering divorce, going through one, or have already been divorced. You really think a lot of people don’t think about the things you are saying? Well, guess what? Your line of thinking and the divorce shaming/stigma is what keeps people in miserable marriages far longer than they should be. Wasting time. Wasting energy. Leading a joyless life. 
For what? So their husband can take out the trash and bring a paycheck? Are you kidding me? That is not enough to save a marriage or not even enough to even be married. 
So, here, I will take your little test just for fun to prove how ridiculous it is—I am responding in CAPS so you can see my response to your comments (not yelling). 
“Look at your life now, and then subtract every contribution currently made by your husband. Be very very realistic about his contributions, even the ones you do not currently notice. Lots of women I see who want to divorce think that their life will be exactly as it was less the husband.”
—I LITERALLY DO NOT KNOW ONE WOMAN THIS NAÏVE. 
Does he take out the trash? SOMETIMES, I USUALLY DO IT
Carry your heavy bags? NO
Cares for the kids while you take yoga or have dinner with a friend? NOT FOR 7 YEARS, AND I CAN HIRE A BABYSITTER AND WOULD HAVE MORE TIME WITH 50/50 CUSTODY
Replaces AC filter? AFTER I NAG, SURE. I CAN DO IT MYSELF. 
Takes the car to the shop? NO, I DO IT
Brings money? YES, BUT SO DO I SO THAT IS NOT THAT RELEVANT. HE MAKES MORE BUT WHO CARES?
Now it's you taking the car to the shop, carrying heavy bags, staying with kids and there is no more money. I AM BASICALLY DOING THAT ANYWAY. WHY WOULD ANYONE STAY MARRIED FOR THESE MINOR “BENEFITS”?
Also, be very very clear about what your husband means to you emotionally. You may hate him right now and possibly for good reasons. Now imagine him pairing up with a hot young woman six months from now. Not saying that he will, but how will you feel if he does? What about if he has children with her and your children are now second in line? Again, not to say it will happen but how will you feel if it does?
I DO NOT CARE WHO HE SCREWS AROUND WITH, WHO HE DATES, IF HE REMARRIES. GOOD FOR HIM. I HAVE NOT CARED IN MANY, MANY, MANY YEARS. 
Visualize parenting remotely. Figure out how you feel about that. Visualize having the same argument about parenting difference but this time without the softening factor of "she's my wife after all".
HE HAS LITERALLY NEVER SAID OR THOUGHT THAT ("she's my wife after all") IN THE MARRIAGE. NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE ON THAT FRONT.

Regarding dating, please internalize the fact that your children are the most important creatures in the world to you, and that you are the only one who will ever feel this way about them. No other man will ever feel that, and certainly not within months of meeting you.
I DO NOT EXPECT ANOTHER MAN TO THINK THAT, BUT GUESS WHAT? I AM NOT INTRODUCING ANY MAN TO MY KIDS OR REMARRYING. I AM PERSONALLY FINE BEING CASUAL ON MY NON-KIND TIME. AND MY STEP-GRANDFATHER LOVED MY FATHER LIKE HIS OWN SON—SO THERE ARE CAPABLE MEN OUT THERE—IF THAT IS WHAT SOMEONE WANTS. IT’S POSSIBLE. BUT NOT EVERYONE IS THINKING ABOUT DATING. THEY WANT TO BE SINGLE—NOT MARRIED.

I am so tired of the divorce shaming. Most people who are divorcing are so beyond these ridiculous things you mention. News flash: we have thought about these things. Our problems are so much bigger. And these tiny little things would not make any difference in the world. I assure you that many of us have thought about life realistically post-divorce for YEARS and often feel like we have waited too long because of other people's judgment...exactly like yours. 
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