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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m on the brink and the only thing at this point holding me back is fear of the unknown. I’m not sure exactly WHAT I’m afraid of- loneliness? Embarrassment about my failed marriage?

I’d love to know what to expect in terms of life, dating again, so on.

I am 35, attractive, 2 young kids (one has mild SN and is a huge handful). I work a lot but have a high income (particularly for a woman my age, I’m probably in the 1%). But, I also probably won’t have money to burn given the increased expenses associated with divorce.

I have a nagging feeling that the dating scene is rough.[/quote]

Look at your life now, and then subtract every contribution currently made by your husband.  Be very very realistic about his contributions, even the ones you do not currently notice.  Lots of women I see who want to divorce think that their life will be exactly as it was less the husband.

Does he take out the trash? Carry your heavy bags? Cares for the kids while you take yoga or have dinner with a friend? Replaces AC filter? Takes the car to the shop? Brings money?  Now it's you taking the car to the shop, carrying heavy bags, staying with kids and there is no more money.

Also, be very very clear about what your husband means to you emotionally.  You may hate him right now and possibly for good reasons.  Now imagine him pairing up with a hot young woman six months from now.  Not saying that he will, but how will you feel if he does? What about if he has children with her and your children are now second in line? Again, not to say it will happen but how will you feel if it does?

Visualize parenting remotely.  Figure out how you feel about that.  Visualize having the same argument about parenting difference but this time without the softening factor of "she's my wife after all".

Regarding dating, please internalize the fact that your children are the most important creatures in the world to you, and that you are the only one who will ever feel this way about them.  No other man will ever feel that, and certainly not within months of meeting you.

You may have very good reasons for divorce, no one really knows that but you.  But something tells me that you haven't really visualized what your life realistically will be like post divorce. [/quote]

NP, and you're completely discounting the relief of not having to live in an utterly miserable situation, in a home that feels, at best, completely uncomfortable, and at worst, completely unsafe.  You're not counting the enormous amounts of time and energy spent on a miserable marriage, instead of on parenting children or taking care of oneself.  The financial burden is real, but to stay in an awful situation because your partner takes out the trash?  Or takes the car to the shop?  There's a lot to be said for living a daily life that allows you to exist without constant stress.[/quote]

Not every marriage where partners contemplate divorce is miserable or unsafe or awful.  Stress is a part of life, and no life is completely free of stress.  All I suggest is to be completely, unflinchingly realistic about life post-divorce.  The good and the bad. Chances are that the spouse you want to leave behind doesn't just bring bad things to your life, they bring something good too, something good that you may be overlooking in your angst.[/quote]

Thanks Dr. Phil.  As if those of us actually on the road to divorce haven't given it any thought.  I mean yeah if someone wants to divorce because they had one fight or are mildly stressed, that's messed up.  My STBX takes out the trash, I will readily admit, but I am perfectly happy to do that as the price of freedom.  [/quote]

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