Reply to Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job"

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Reply to "Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job" - s/o today's NY Times article"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You both work full time. That means you split other stuff 50/50. The burden doesn’t get placed on one spouse because they make less. You’re free to lean out and also still make a ton of money. Your income is over half mil a year. Figure it the eff out. [/quote]

I agree that $ made isn't the determining factor.  But it seemed like OP had the job the required longer hours, more stress, and less flexibility.  Because of that he needs to shoulder more of the load.  And those types of jobs generally will pay more than ones with reasonable hours, flexibility and less stress.[/quote]

Not really. OP can find a job with fewer hours. [b]She chooses to work long hours.[/b] She could probably find something making 150K. She would work less, their combined income woutld be 350K, and they could split 50/50.

The fact that DH still does laundry while they make 600K and Op works longer hours proves how ridiculous Op and probably her DH's expectations of themselves are.[/quote]

They both made a decision to prioritize OP's career. Her husband wants the benefits of being married to a high earner without doing any of work. [/quote]

She can either choose to focus on what she and you assume her husband wants. Or she can choose to see how she can make things work e.g. outsource the hell out so he has more time to chill and focus on the kids. [/quote]

What do you mean "assume" ? Her husband also made the decision to prioritize her career. It's not a big secret that if both spouses make a decision to prioritize the high earner's career, then the lower earner handles all the hh/kid stuff. Handling hh chores can absolutely involve outsourcing. But guess what? Even if they hire the most amazing hh manager, it still requires some supervision and coordination from one of the parents. Is he going to do this work? The same guy who isn't willing to be in charge of kid stuff and only does hh chores if asked.[/quote]

Stop pointing fingers. They both made the decision. It does not seem to be working for either of them. So the focus should be on what can change to make things better. And posters are helping Op figure that out: more outsourcing seems to be one of the suggestions. It is a much better suggestion than digging into the mind of Op's husband. What you or OP think he thinks is not very helpful. [/quote]

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