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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

Etiquette around reciprocity, gift-giving, social interactions and hospitality is very cultural.

Yes, in India, reciprocity is very important because it signifies a lot many things and for someone to not reciprocate without extenuating circumstances will lead to subtle negative consequences in their social standing. To reciprocate and to be hospitable - these signify that you are a household without dysfunction. Why? Because to reciprocate you need effort, time, money, know-how (how you were raised), manpower and a functional family life.

The reason that people do not reciprocate in this country is because there is no consequence of not reciprocating. This is not a country without support-network, the government and social services provide the same support in this country to families in need that friends and family provide in India.

Even here, the people who have been raised in communities that were self-reliant are people more willing to lend a helping hand. For example, my neighbor was raised in a farm in the midwest and she is always willing to help out if you have a problem. Be it watering your plants or walking your dog.

Also, many people here have been raised in affluent families where reciprocity was ingrained as part of their social life and they will reciprocate in some other ways - not necessarily calling you for dinners, but helping out in some other way.

You may not realize, but in India, all the social niceties you observed were with only a very small segment of society, the people who were similarly educated and raised like you, and who were also financially able.  You were not inviting to dinner the maid who came to clean house every day.  In the US, it is hard to understand what the social status and background of anyone is.  You cannot make any determination of how a person was raised, what their family life is, how educated they are - because every one is able to afford a basic standard of living.  if looking at your neighbors or your colleagues, you are making a determination that they value reciprocity etc, then you will usually be incorrect.  Just understand that class is very fluid here and they may not value the same  things culturally that you value.  My recommendation would be to call for dinner only people who can understand the gesture for what it is and take the cue from you to engage in this social give and take. This may restrict you to only certain groups of people.

For those Indians, who want to figure out how to engage Americans in a social interaction, there are two types of interaction that is well understood and will not leave you frustrated.  
- Organize meetups where people come to a restaurant or neutral place and pay for their share of the meal/event. 
- Organize potlucks where everyone can make or pickup something from a store.

The above is easier, transnational and more understood by everyone. Also, it does not burden anyone to reciprocate at their homes, or reciprocate at all.  Remember, these are cultural differences and you cannot assume people will understand what it means.

- A fellow Indian.

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