Reply to How to deal with in-laws who wont listen but want to watch 1 year old?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. After a discussion last night the grandparents have offered to watch her in our home for a two days in August while we out of town and to watch her in our home for the week in July our daycare closes. I will probably telework a day or two that week and be out of sight but observe how it goes. If she’s comfortable with them after that, we’ll ask them to watch her in our home and keep her in daycare. We will also have a third, younger family member with them.  If she isn’t comfortable and happy with them or they won’t agree to that we will find a way to bring her.

It’s not that I want to galavant around Europe without my baby. It’s that my sisters wedding is an a remote area where I am not sure where I can find reliable childcare and I’m not sure we can afford to bring childcare on top of the trip. [b]Me staying home isn’t an option unless I’m no longer interested in a relationship with my younger sister, who is sensitive and would not understand my not coming as our other sister has two babies under two and is going and leaving them with her IL.[/b] I would ask my DH to stay home but he thinks she will be fine if we are gone for 7 days, 4 of which she is in daycare for most of the day. Because he feels that way and wants to come, it’s hard for me to tell him he must stay home. I should also clarify my dd will not be unsafe with my in laws in any way. I just worry for her comfort level. Which is why we will do these trial runs first. If they don’t work out, we won’t leave her.

My sister asked me if this the wedding in Europe was okay when I was pregnant and I thought I’d be okay leaving her at 13/14 months. Turns out I should have waited to see how I’d feel about the whole thing. [/quote]

OP, I'm the poster who wrote about MIL wanting to hit my child (which is why I have never left my children in her care EVER).  In your case, I would be more concerned with your IL's ability to do 24 hour care.  It's a lot. Heck my kids are in middle school and I honestly could not handle care of a toddler without a break myself at this point.  I think you have a really good plan.  I was also wondering if your sister dictated her wedding be no children?  I assume she is not having flowergirls etc?  [/quote]

[b]You are correct. She asked for no children. Not to get into that relationship - but shes had a difficult time accepting the fact that my other sister and I have little ones and can't give the amount of attention she'd like to her wedding planning/bachelorette etc. this is not the post to get into that.  [/b][/quote]

Oh, but it is.  You're tip-toeing around your sister's unreasonable feelings rather than doing what is best for you and your child, what feels right.  If your sister was the kind of person who said, "I understand, you do what you need to do," I would be more inclined to say put yourself out there for her.  It sounds like your sister is taking emotional hostages here.

But expecting you to say definitively whether you could come to remote locale without your baby while you're pregnant?  That's not really a fair question. Heck, I wouldn't have had a week of PTO to use a year out from having my first, because of all the illnesses and the PTO I used to cover maternity leave.

Take a moment to examine what keeping your sister happy (or happy-ish) costs you, not just in this instance, but others.[/quote]

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