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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would appreciate advice on prying a codependent, [b]guilt-ridden spouse [/b]loose from controlling parents. [b]He won’t go to a program for relatives of addicts.[/b][/quote]
OP you can't re-focus his guilt towards a program?  If the parents are worried about what will happen to your SIL after they die, presumably going to a program will help your DH be more prepared.[/quote]

Yes, I was wondering the same thing - trying ot refocus him on why going to a program for relatives of addicts.  DH, you agree what your parents are doing isn't working, right?  So why not just at least go check out things that might work?  It's not about tough love or hitting bottom or other silly phrases from the 80s.  It's about developing strategies that help you, help us, help your parents deal with the reality.  What are our real options here?

[b]TBH, OP, I wonder if you might benefit from attending, if DH won't?  It might give you some tools and tricks and language and framing for your own interactions with your husband, who appears enmeshed in the dysfunction.[/b]  [/quote]+1 I attended Al-Anon and found it very helpful and was frustrated for years that my mother wouldn't go.  I finally had to look at her as if she were an alcoholic and let go of wanting her to try Al-Anon.  It was never going to happen and accepting that did improve my relationship with her (although YMMV).  OP, the fact is that you [i]are[/i] the relative of an addict and attending a group like that might help you deal with the fact that your husband is a straight-up co-dependent who is enmeshed with his parents.  Sorry you have to deal with this.  Good luck.[/quote]

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