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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. All of the replies here are really helpful. I kind of chuckled at the responses calling upon me to have more sympathy because I used to be have such lofty standards too until I actually had real life experience with an addict.

Now, I know that, in most cases, the selfish, asshole traits come first and contribute to addiction, not the other way around. Funny how all this sympathy for and rationalizing of addiction didn’t exist in the 80s and 90s when blacks were the face of addiction.

Anyway, I am working on getting DH on board. It will take many talks, I think. His parents are very manipulative and have been priming him to take over care of them AND SIL in order to give themselves peace of mind. They don’t care about the ramifications for us and our children. The apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree as far as SIL’s selfish ways go.

I would appreciate advice on prying a codependent, guilt-ridden spouse loose from controlling parents. He won’t go to a program for relatives of addicts.[/quote]

I don't have any advice, OP, because I thankfully don't have to deal with these issues.  But, if I were you I would make clear to your husband - now - that you are not OK with subsidizing his parents when they run out of money because they are feeding it to your SIL.  Reiterate this whenever appropriate.  It looks like their plan, such as it is, is to present him (and you) with a fiat accompli - they are out of money, it doesn't matter how it got that way, and you need to help them so [insert dire consequence] doesn't happen.  If he won't tell them now that isn't going to happen, you at least need to make it very clear to him that you are not OK with spending family assets on this, and you certainly aren't going to cash out stock for them.  Then, when it happens (and it will), you have a long history of this position, so he can't pretend he never knew you felt this way.  [/quote]

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