Reply to DW can't manage or handle her aging dad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hope you're right.  [/quote]

Me too. She has blinders on when it comes to him---almost like she's an unrecognizable person.[/quote]

OP I think you guys do need therapy.  I think it will help.

But here's another approach that might help.  Right now when you say she needs "boundaries" that can come across as you being self centered.   "You used to pay attention to MEEEEE, but now you are so busy with your dad you are ignoring MEEEEEE" and she will resist that.

And you can't make the argument that she should consider her own needs.   You know she won't do that.  She puts her dad first.

So... frame it in reference to her Dad.   Tell her that you are worried about how overly reliant he is becoming on her care.   What if something should happen to her?   He'd be absolutely sunk, because he has not learned to manage with paid or outsourced help at all.

What would happen to poor sweet dad if she broke her leg?   How could she take him to his Dr's appointments in NYC?

Get her to see it would be best FOR HER DAD for him to be able to manage on his own (with the help of paid assistance).  Then her help can be ancillary, supplemental to what he already has.   That way she is protecting him.

THEN practice some subterfuge.   Tell her you know her dad is scared to accept outside help, so we have to lie to him to make it happen.   Invent some surgery that is going to be coming up.. back surgery, etc... and take her out of the picture for months.   It will happen this summer.   Both of you go over to dad and explain your wife is going to have back surgery in June and she will be unable to assist him in anything, so you need to get some things set up now for him.   How can you help?   That gives her three months to help him get used to the idea.

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