Reply to DW can't manage or handle her aging dad.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So you are close to the edge because? Is it her confiding in you how difficult her dad is? Is she absent from house, you, your family all the time? I agree that she should not engage so much with her dad and find different options that will lessen her burden of taking him everywhere and dealing with him, but why are you on the edge? Why is it so hard to be a shoulder for her to cry on? It certainly makes me think you are just as selfish as her dad and wish she was there for you as she is there for him. Jealousy rather than concern. If you are at work while she is doing all this care for him, why does it matter? One day, maybe she will take care of you, and it doesn't sound like you will be easy elderly person, so maybe start seeing that we all end up old and have health issues.[/quote]

OP again. I'm also on the edge because we would like to start a family. That seems to be on the backburner "too much stress too much going on"
At times I feel very held back, like our lives are on pause b/c FIL comes first and foremost.[/quote]

I'm the PP who is going through a similar situation with my mom.  This comment and the one about driving to NYC for doctor's appointment are really eye opening.  You really need to have a open, heartfelt conversation with your wife and you need to insist on marriage counseling.  Beg and plead with her if you must.  She is so caught up in this dynamic with her dad, she may not be able to see how potentially harmful this is to her and to your relationship.   Things need to change but I don't think she will truly hear this coming only from you.  You need to try and convey to your wife that you love her and support her, and that you even support her efforts to assist her dad.  But that she has to be open to looking at this differently and doing this differently and that the two of you need the outside help of a counselor or therapist.   Your wife has been conditioned over years to respond to her dad this way and you aren't going to be able to undo that by yourself.   [/quote]

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