Reply to WWYD? Serious BF dropped a bombshell on me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If this guy was 28, I’d shrug it off.  Often young guys are trying to figure out what a family will look like and the most appealing alternative becomes a Brady Bunch/Waltons kind of scenario; yet they aren’t wedded to that as much as they say. You can usually just talk with them to get some comfort that when the time comes, you two would work together to find the work/home balance that works – and then let it go until there is a pregnancy.

But OP’s dude is 40.  At that age he has had a LOT of time to envision his family life and he’s not getting any more flexible.  From what OP has said, he is likely thinking (i) I had an effed up family and the best families I knew where the ones where dad made all the money and mom raised the kids full time and that’s what my kids will have; and (ii) I bust my ass to make 900k/yr (that’s what upper 6 figures suggests to me), I will NOT come home to no hot meal on the table, an unclean house or dirty kids and I will NOT be getting up in the middle of the night to a crying kid or to change diapers; I will make the money and my wife will handle those things.

Let’s be real OP -- a guy who is rich, nice, and attractive and 40 has had chances to settle down; chances are he has broken it off with women before who don’t fit his vision for family life.  Honestly, I’d bring this up with him very directly.  Don’t beat around the bush but one night when you’re sitting around – just bring it up and raise all the scenarios.  What if I wanted to go back to work after babies? What about the fact that I’ve put x years into my career and if I leave it, I won’t be able to get back in 18 yrs later? What if I’m unhappy as a SAHM? See what he says (and what he doesn’t say but implies).  If he doesn’t even want to work thru these scenarios and takes the tone of (i) I make a LOT of money you don’t have to work, you can just run an etsy shop and be a PTA mom; or (ii) kids needs their mom – you’re the woman, that’s just the way it is so deal – then you know that while he may be a great guy, he isn’t a great guy for you. 
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If he really makes 900K/year, the OP can have a clean house, hot meals and clean kids without lifting a finger. You get staff to handle that.[/quote]

I know a law firm partner making that much who insists the cooking and child rearing MUST be done by the wife - no outsourcing. I don't think she is required to clean the 6 bedroom 8 bathroom mansion though. Similar to OPs man -- an "old fashioned" 45 yr old who also appears to control the money so it's not like the wife can hire help without his knowledge.[/quote]

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