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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Please tell me you don't "thank" your spouse..."
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Of course I thank him for the shit he does. And he thanks me. Another person her for basic courtesy and decency. Sure, is taking out the trash his job? Yes. Do I still thank him? YES because I still appreciate it. [/quote] This. You thank the hairdresser, the waiter, the person who bags your shopping, the teachers, for doing their jobs. So why not also thank the person you live with for doing their part?[/quote] I do not thank the hairdresser for doing the person's hair next to me. I do not thank the person who bags my groceries for getting herself/himself a cup of water. I do not thank the teacher for keeping the teachers lounge clean. OP's husband is not doing things for [b]her[/b]. He is doing stuff for [b]himself [/b]and wants to be thanked. [/quote] Keeping the family and household running IS for everybody. Not just him.[/quote] No, putting his own child to bed builds a bond with child and fatter. It is for him. When they divorce the mom won't care how badly he distroyed his relationship with his kids. Putting his own dishes in the sink does not keep the family running. Washing his own clothes makes him happy, not the family.[/quote] Bonding with his child IS good for the family. Strong, healthy attachments to both parents is good for the family, good for the mom, good for the kids. Not just him. Putting your own dishes in the sink is good for the family. He is modeling good behavior for the kids, he is doing something somebody else now doesn't have to do. He's keeping bugs from invading the living room. Washing his own clothes ... well, I see that is one less load that I do. Because, yeah, I do most of the laundry. So if my DH did a load of his dirty stuff ... big old thank you, because I didn't have to touch his underwear. And again, it models the right behavior to the kids. They see that everybody helps keep the household running. I can't help thinking you, whomever keeps responding that he is just doing stuff for himself, must be a very selfish person if you can't see how actions impact others. When I make dinner, and my DH thanks me for making dinner instead of criticizing that he doesn't like it (as may be the case), he is modeling to the kids how to behave, and expressing gratitude. He is making me feel good about my contribution to the family, and not like sh!t because nobody liked dinner (which, again, may be the case). When I thank DH for mowing the lawn, it is because I know how much work it was, even if it is his job. The kids can play in a clean, tidy yard. We won't get cited by the city for having grass that is too long. The neighbors won't fuss. I won't have to mow it. [/quote] You are totally missing the point. Your H NEVER says thanks to her but he expects a thanks. Do you get it. But he wants a thanks for doing less than the minimum. Also, really ... stop doing your adult H laundry. You really need to teach your kids that adults do their own laundry. This is not "one less load" because he will eventually have to do it because he needs clothes. God help me if we need to thank adults for doing their own laundry. I really don't think you understand family dynamic if you think you have to bow down to your H for every single solitary contribution. Actually, he must do so little if you thank him for everything. I would be saying "thank you" 20 times a day. Thanks for putting your cup in the sink. Thanks for cleaning your own clothes. Thanks for shaving. Thanks for flushing the toilet. Thanks for hugging the children this am. Thanks for carrying your brief case to the car. Thanks for bringing the mail in. Thanks for putting your trash in the trashcan. Thanks for taking the dog out. Thanks for calling to say you forgot to feed the dog. Thanks for turning off the tv. Thanks for going to work. Thanks for coming home from work. Thanks for saying hi to me. Thanks for telling our son his friend is at the door. Thanks for turning off the lights before we went to bed. [/quote] Yep, I'll continue to do my DH's laundry. And he does mine. I don't think you get it, actually. I agree, it isn't fair for OP's H to expect thanks and not give it himself. I do thank my husband for a lot of those things on your list. Thanks for taking the dog out, shutting off the TV, turning off the light, calling to say you forgot something, bringing the mail in. I do all those things. I think maybe your relationships aren't built on mutual respect? I respect his time, and when he goes out of his way to do something, I say thanks. [/quote]
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