Reply to DH mad I asked him not to

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know everyone is going to freak out, but honestly, he is abusive. You have a toddler, you're pregnant, we know, and a normal man can empathize what that's like. You're exhausted. It was very big of you to apologize and try to communicate....Him talking to you like that, being stone cold, and storming out of the house... my guess would be he's cheating and setting up some weird rejection-while-gaslighting-you game for his advantage. He sounds self-centered and personality disordered. I'm sorry OP.[/quote]

Are you serious? You do not have enough information to decide this.
[b]
It sounds like to me that they have SERIOUS intimacy issues and that the guy's needs are not being met.[/b]

That doesn't mean OP should be his personal blow up doll OBVIOUSLY but maybe it does mean she needs to put some work into making sure her husband is feeling loved. And maybe it also means that her DH needs to put some effort into giving her some alone time/space so when these moments arise she's ready to enjoy them instead of recoiling.

To say that her husband expressing frustration with a lack of intimacy is him gaslighting her is IMO way too far. This is way too little information to decide whether or not he's an abusive jerk or OP is a cold mommy martyr. Because seriously a 17 month old is not going to care lets take that off the table.

And I'm a pretty super lefty feminist. But in a marriage, particularly when there are young kids, both people really need to put extra effort into the MARRIAGE not just the parenting if they want to make sure they're not divorcing when the toddler stages are done. [/quote]

They are having sex a couple of times a week. With a toddler in the house. While she is pregnant.

That's not a lack of intimacy.  [/quote]

Intimacy is not just how many times you have sex. It is the quality of the sex (rote or passionate?), it is general affection during the week that leads to partners feeling confident in their physical/emotional connection. Just as we as women can tell when our connection to our partner isn't doing well, even if we're having sex, guys can tell that too. If I was having sex with my husband twice a week but we never kissed or hugged or had small intimate moments in between that sex wouldn't feel good. It probably would feel like checking the box.

I don't know OP's whole story, maybe her husband is a whiny b. Or maybe she's been having perfunctory sex with him for a few months while rejecting moments of casual intimacy/affection like the one she describes in the OP and its caused her husband's self confidence in the relationship to erode. That seems more in line with him wanting to leave the house after she makes a rather unenthusiastic attempt to sooth his feelings. [/quote]

Guy here.  This woman gets it.  Please reread her post several times OP[/quote]

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