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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I've worked with individuals like this. They're emotionally immature and have been around people who have normalized this type of interaction. She needs to outgrow it. I agree that you're probably being dismissed as a typical white lady and as an authority figure. Be kind but also don't be overly nice. She's mistaking professionalism and lack of confrontation for being weak. If she tries to tell you to do her work, let her know that this is part of her job and you need it done by "x." Said politely and kindly. You're in charge, OP. It's ok to be in charge. And if she doesn't do her assigned work, she gets fired.[/quote]

This, OP. She thinks you are weak. I had to stop being overly nice and friendly to subordinates for this reason. She thinks she can assign YOU work. And you want to appease more?

Stop trying to avoid any direct management. If that was you posting you will pretend you are in a flat hierarchy, that is exactly the WRONG tactic for someone like this.

Put as much as possible in writing and reiterate conversations in an email that you cc your boss on. 
Be clear and straightforward and give deadlines.

She is very likely to sue at some point. Talk to your boss and HR about issues and how to document. When she sues you will be named. Stop acting like you want to make her your bestie or to transform her into a collaborative employee. You cannot change other people. This weak response is likely rooted in something in your background, work that out with a therapist, not this woman. [/quote]
This is all good advice.[/quote]

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