I managed someone who sounds a bit like this in some ways. Here's what I learned:

1.ACTIVELY MANAGE. If you are her supervisor, don't say "could you please," hint, and let her assign her work BACK to you. Be directive and say "I need you to do this by Friday. If the new task affects your ability to do that, I want you to discuss your priorities and new timelines with me so we have a plan for completion." It sounds like as a woman you're used to softening everything and couching as requests. Stop doing that. The reason she's not being deferential is partly her, but partly you - if you manage her, you actually do have authority, and you're not using it. Just be direct. It's not rude.

2. Let her lead with her strengths to the extent feasible. If she's passionate about DEI and there is an initiative she could join, channel that. If her directness can help address issues that are real in your culture (which was the case in mine), listen and use your authority to make clear you're not throwing the new person under the bus. At the same time, make sure it's a clearly defined and finite time commitment, not taking over her whole job.

2. You probably missed the best opportunity for saying "put away your phone," that should have been an initial conversation, but make sure you talk to her about formal meeting expectations with leadership etc. It's embarrassing for you as a manager if she does that. Ignore office decor complaints, who cares.

At this point what you have to do is CYA. She is a liability to the company and a threat to your job.

The most logical approach is to keep track of all the assigned tasks and the results. Document everything. When she continues to do very little work, have a meeting with HR and bring all the documentation. Let HR take it from there. Someone who is not performing at work has to be let go. After losing a few jobs, she might realize that whining does not belong in a professional workplace. This is why everyone should have several low level jobs before they get into their post-college career, so they can understand hierarchy and responsibility in the workplace.

So, what you’re saying is that this young lady is prone to being easily triggered over seemingly mundane things so that she can make a point and get what she wants. Figure out a way to get rid of her asap.

Anonymous wrote:Request tasks be done in writing and be very specific and then provide a due date. Do not include something like you can come to me with questions. Copy your team members as needed. Follow up when things aren’t done. If it’s chronic document and escalate. Avoid having any personal conversations with her and only speak to her in meetings when others are there just say hello and wait.

Don’t try and befriend her it won’t go well. Be polite abut not overly so.

Remember even if other people you work with outwardly appear to like and appreciate her input they are faking it. She is annoying and doesn’t know basic office etiquette.

Also there is this whole phenomena of Gen Z TikTokers who give out “career” advice. While some is good, A lot of it is clearly from people who have no career.

+1 this is so true
Those that I manage at work will never know what I really think of them. I observe, document (and report) and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think making this about her demographics might be a mistake here. I've had new employees pushback across demographics, the key is to set clear boundaries and expectations and enforce them. There's also an extent that you respect someone's autonomy when appropriate and avoid micromanaging. If you're struggling on a particular issue or want some guidance on where the line is for your organization you should speak to your boss. For me, finding that boundary line one of the hardest aspects of management when I first took it on.

The only reason I bring up demographics is because it was in all the work she submitted for the job application so clearly she thinks it defines her and is her worldview. There are plenty of minorities at my workplace where this doesn't define them at all.

I'm going out on a limb here. OP is the problem. She is a 'Karen' of sorts that isn't get the deferential experience she thinks she deserves based on title, experience, or even color. That's why she titled her post that way. She doesn't like this person because she does have a world view that doesn't center OP. Boo-hoo. Hopefully, retirement is just around the corner for you.

The thing is, PP, you might have something valuable to add to this discussion but as soon as I saw that you used that tired, dated and no-longer-"it" term I no longer cared to read what you had to say.
Can we all agree to move on from this once-trendy but now cringey term?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would caution the OP about doing ANY 1:1 with this employee. It sounds like she looks at everything through the lens of her victimhood, and you may be putting yourself at risk just by taking her to a lunch to coach her. If you do something like this, always have a third person with you, preferably an HR representative.

This. This employee is HIGHLY likely to sue the company and name OP. Why make it easier? OP has tried being nice, the employee interprets that as she can assign OP work. You need advice from HR about how to manage the risk and loop in your boss. Being nicey nice makes her think you are HER SUBORDINATE. Get real.

More good advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've worked with individuals like this. They're emotionally immature and have been around people who have normalized this type of interaction. She needs to outgrow it. I agree that you're probably being dismissed as a typical white lady and as an authority figure. Be kind but also don't be overly nice. She's mistaking professionalism and lack of confrontation for being weak. If she tries to tell you to do her work, let her know that this is part of her job and you need it done by "x." Said politely and kindly. You're in charge, OP. It's ok to be in charge. And if she doesn't do her assigned work, she gets fired.

This, OP. She thinks you are weak. I had to stop being overly nice and friendly to subordinates for this reason. She thinks she can assign YOU work. And you want to appease more?

Stop trying to avoid any direct management. If that was you posting you will pretend you are in a flat hierarchy, that is exactly the WRONG tactic for someone like this.

Put as much as possible in writing and reiterate conversations in an email that you cc your boss on.
Be clear and straightforward and give deadlines.

She is very likely to sue at some point. Talk to your boss and HR about issues and how to document. When she sues you will be named. Stop acting like you want to make her your bestie or to transform her into a collaborative employee. You cannot change other people. This weak response is likely rooted in something in your background, work that out with a therapist, not this woman.

This is all good advice.

Anonymous wrote:I would caution the OP about doing ANY 1:1 with this employee. It sounds like she looks at everything through the lens of her victimhood, and you may be putting yourself at risk just by taking her to a lunch to coach her. If you do something like this, always have a third person with you, preferably an HR representative.

This. This employee is HIGHLY likely to sue the company and name OP. Why make it easier? OP has tried being nice, the employee interprets that as she can assign OP work. You need advice from HR about how to manage the risk and loop in your boss. Being nicey nice makes her think you are HER SUBORDINATE. Get real.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I want is advice on how to work with younger staff who like to challenge authority. There obviously is energy there. I'm trying to figure out how to use it for good for myself, her, and the company.

You do it by mentoring them and reminding them that it's important to know what you don't know and not to approach things where they come off as frequently wrong but rarely in doubt. They need to be put in their place sometimes.

OP would be insane to do this. This woman is likely to sue the company and name OP. There is not a risk free way to "mentor" and putting her "in [her] place" would be a poor legal move.

Stop trying to change her or her work style, OP, protect yourself and the company from her likely lawsuit by being careful and documenting. Not by following poor advice.

Anonymous wrote:I will try to act like we are in a completely flat organization and see how that goes.

Terrible idea if this is OP.

Do your job and manage her work. Stop trying to change her personality or to make her like you.

Anonymous wrote:I really was more interested in helping her and me be a better team than documenting issues. Coaching help for working with people like this to help them be a good employee and get along better in a hierarchical working environment while still giving them authority over their work. Was looking for resources on how best to talk to people that are more independent and headstrong like this who are subordinates.

That you don't see her as a likely threat and lawsuit in the making, naming you and the company, is troubling, OP. You need therapy to figure out the roots of your belief that we can change other people and that seeming weak and delusional is a good approach to management or any other relationship.

You are NEVER going to be a good team and you must document and speak to your boss and HR, for the company's sake if not your own.

She has contempt for you, the foundation of coaching or mentoring is mutual respect. You will NEVER have that from her, she thinks she can assign YOU work. Get real.

What have you done to be untrustworthy?

What did you do to her to make her act like that with you?

Were you being passive aggressive??

Go retire boomer

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've worked with individuals like this. They're emotionally immature and have been around people who have normalized this type of interaction. She needs to outgrow it. I agree that you're probably being dismissed as a typical white lady and as an authority figure. Be kind but also don't be overly nice. She's mistaking professionalism and lack of confrontation for being weak. If she tries to tell you to do her work, let her know that this is part of her job and you need it done by "x." Said politely and kindly. You're in charge, OP. It's ok to be in charge. And if she doesn't do her assigned work, she gets fired.

This, OP. She thinks you are weak. I had to stop being overly nice and friendly to subordinates for this reason. She thinks she can assign YOU work. And you want to appease more?

Stop trying to avoid any direct management. If that was you posting you will pretend you are in a flat hierarchy, that is exactly the WRONG tactic for someone like this.

Put as much as possible in writing and reiterate conversations in an email that you cc your boss on.
Be clear and straightforward and give deadlines.

She is very likely to sue at some point. Talk to your boss and HR about issues and how to document. When she sues you will be named. Stop acting like you want to make her your bestie or to transform her into a collaborative employee. You cannot change other people. This weak response is likely rooted in something in your background, work that out with a therapist, not this woman.