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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think once you get to the 4th kid you tend to have a parent who is not working or only working very part time. So in that regard there is always a dedicated parent whose life is very kid-centered. I have 3 and my career is my 4th kid. I think one more kid would be the tipping point. I’m also still hanging on to keeping my home fairly near and tidy/organized. Whereas I think once you hit 4 + you’re the type of family that embraces the chaos so to speak. (Unless you’re like a Mormon blogger type with family to help you so you can maintain that Pinterest home). [/quote]

Once you have 4 kids in after school activities, it really doesn’t matter that one parent is home. There are still only 2 adults to manage driving/dinner/homework/bedtime.

Signed,
A SAHM of two with not much evening bandwidth to spare. [/quote]

That’s assuming there’s no extended family that helps out, no mothers helpers, and that all 4 kids do after school activities.

Assuming all four kids are neurotypical, by the time the youngest does after school activities and has actual homework (8?), the oldest kid or two should be able to do their own homework and manage their own bedtime, no?[/quote]

I'm the PP. If I had two more kids right now, (let's call them 9 and 6 since my kids are 3 years apart) they'd either be stuck home all the time with a grandparent or "mother's helper" or being drug to one of their two sibling's activities. Either way, its not remotely the experience my older two children had at those ages. Seems pretty unfair, but large families aren't concerned with individual attention, or actual parents caring for children. [/quote]

What a gross thing to say. [/quote]

What's "gross" about it? Are you 9? It's not logistically or mathematically possible for parents of 4 kids to parent as much as a parent of two kids or 1 kid. It's just not. And rather than admitting they are fine with this arrangement, parents in big families argue their kids aren't short changed at all. I can't believe these families are getting babysitters 3-4 nights a week so that the younger kids don't have to be schlepped around. And even if they are, that's a lot of time to spend with a babysitter when you've already spent the entire day away from your parents at school. We had kids because we actually wanted to parent them ourselves. [/quote]

DP.  If I'm tracking, you have two kids, right?  I really hope you lose your dichotomous thinking before life throws a curveball your way.  You say it is not "logistically or mathematically possible" for 2 parents to successfully parent 4 children.  So under your logic, it would not be "logistically or mathematically" possible for 1 parent to successfully parent 2 children, right?

So what will you do if your spouse (heaven forbid) dies?  Put your kids up for adoption so they can have 2 parents?

I know, I know.  You'll say in the case of the former, the parents chose to have four kids.  The latter scenario is involuntary.  But the end result would be the same, no?  1 parent for 2 kids...[/quote]

DP. I also hope she’s not using *gasp* aftercare or regular date night sitters or going to the gym after work or having any sort of hobby. Because her kids are already away from her during the day and she otherwise would not be truly parenting them. [/quote]

Joke all you want but there are many many times that both of my kids need something at the same exact time - homework help, a ride, a shoulder to cry on, whatever, and if there were more of them, there would be less attention to go around per kid. You can keep denying it, but it’s just basic math. Obviously you are okay with each kid having less individual attention. To each his own. [/quote]

How neglectful of you to have 2 children!

Your poor first child is not getting all the attention they deserve because you were too self centered to stop at 1 child.[/quote]

I know! I actually do feel badly for each of my kids sometimes when they are being short-changed and why I did not have any more![/quote]

Oh mamacita.  You are the SAHM with two kids in this thread?  I can tell you are a great mother and are trying to give your two kids all the attention you can.  I'm just going to take a shot in the dark here.  I think somewhere along the way in your parenting journey, you learned that individual, one on one attention = love and care, and that anytime you are not giving your children individual, one on one attention, they are not thriving.  I think this had led you to some insecurities in your own parenting, and I think you are coping with those insecurities by fixating on parents with 3+ kids.  Essentially, by convincing yourself that no parent of 3+ kids can meet their children's needs, you become more confident and secure that you are meeting your own children's needs since there are only 2 of them.

I could be totally off base.  But I do wonder why you decided to participate in this thread, when you have absolutely no experience raising 3, let alone 4, kids.  And you seem completely unwilling to believe the parents on here (the actual parents of 3 and 4 kids) telling you that their kids are cared for and loved?  I wonder if you might consider talking to someone.  Your kids are at wonderful ages and I hope you can enjoy them, instead of being so concerned about meeting their every need at every second.[/quote]

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