Reply to Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]School sports and activities are the obvious solution. Plays, music, clubs and teams. Every season has at least one no cut sport.[/quote]

This doesn't necessarily form friendships, though I agree it can help make acquaintances.  My son joined his schools intra-mural soccer club and chess club.  he is pretty good at both, and yet he has only met acquaintances through them.  Kids he can sit with at lunch, but nothing seemed to ever transfer to outside of school.  He is in 8th now, so I don't think this will change.  He is a little socially immature (very uninterested in girls, professional spots, and some other things boys his age seem to like), but overall friendly and appropriate, so I'm not sure why things didn't work out.[/quote]

Have him talk to the kids in his grade in the chess club and plan a day or two to binge watch Queen’s Gambit.  Invite a couple guys over to watch the next USQ game (that’s on a weekend night).  No big productions.  No looking for a BFF.  Just social hanging out.  No big deal.  Maybe he likes the kids and maybe not.

Our thing as parents was that the kids had to do something at school and something outside of school, and 1 church thing.  Church was pretty easy - youth choirs were 1 evening a week and pretty fun.  Mostly the kids did school sports and school theater.  Outside of school was typically a travel sport and/or scouts.  Take up something new.  Art or rock climbing or fencing or ….  Our youngest has an on campus job now as the “safety supervisor” for the rock climbing wall on campus.  Pretty dead he says but he gets homework done when no one is there.  Take up something like swimming.  No - not going for the Olympics, but I can attest we lost a good babysitter due to her taking up swimming.  She was nice, studious, the kids liked her and she was available as she was a bit overweight.  She took up swimming (no cut sport) as a sophomore and quickly got in shape, and we lost our babysitter.  In middle school our youngest got a role in the local professional theater’s production of A Christmas Carol”.  He was a Cratchit child (not Tiny Tim), and an apprentice for Fezzywig’s, and a “boy” in street scenes.  He did that for 3 seasons until he was 14 (would have to be part of the union after 14).  Great experience and his standby when doing those introduction games now where you say something people do not know about yourself, “I was a professional child actor”.

I always recommend Scouts for kids who are 12-13.  You don’t have to be a Cub Scout and girls are allowed now.  You may have to fish around for a troop that is a good fit and reasonably close by.  Our kids troop was super nerdy.  But, the boys learned stuff and loved the camping and outdoors stuff.  Not at all competitive.  We missed it with our oldest.  Our daughter did a couple years of Brownies but then sports took over for her.  Our two youngest though (both boys) did it and both got their Eagle Scout rank.  Both have had it come up in interviews - they carry their Eagle ID card with them now to interviews.

The reality is that stuff does not just happen. You have to join things and try things.  Parents have to help them join things and guide them.  It is not a random thing.

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