Reply to Sigh. Another lonely weekend for my teen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again: My son does not share that he is actively upset, but I know it hurts that he has asked plenty of kids to get together, play video games online, etc. and no one says yes, or they say yes the first time and it never goes anywhere.  A lot of posters in this thread have noted that their kids socialize "only" by playing games online or texting or going to the basketball courts, etc.  I know you mean well, but I am saying my son does not have anyone to do these things with and is rejected by other kids when he tries to initiate/join those activities.

I think this thread separated into two categories of feedback: (1) those saying that their kids socialize through a lot of online gaming and sports activities but do not do much other than that and (2) those saying their kids have tried everything in (1) and have not been able to find their group so do none of those things in (1).  My son falls in category (2).   Those whose kids are in category (1) probably have not had to deal with what it is like to have your kids try to so hard but not find their group.

I do hope it will help to just naturally give it time for him to mature socially and participate in sports in HS next year.

The good thing is that my DS is a great kid and we do many fun family activities.  But I know from his actions that he wants friends to do things with.[/quote]

OP, I'm so sorry.  When you see him interact with peers at sports practices, what do you observe?  I have similar worries about my kid, but when I watch him at school events/sports activities, he's clearly at ease and smiling with friends so I'm putting him into your category 1 for now, but I'm keeping an eye on it.  Sounds like you are doing a great job supporting your kid.  I have an observation and two suggestions.

First, the teen years before they are driving are a weird no-mans land.  They can't really make their own plans that require transportation entirely independently (if you live in the burbs) but they are too old for parents to make plans for them. Once he drives, he can get a job, go to the gym, go get coffee etc., which will give him more interaction in the world than he has now even if it's not with "friends."  As for suggestions,  I would consider therapy just to get him another source of support/input.  You might sell it as "I know you want to forge closer relationships with your peers.  I'm no expert on this, but there are experts, so lets go talk to one.  Finally, during virtual school, I had my teen working out with a personal trainer. That 1-to-1 interaction with a sort of cool adult who is not your parent provided another source of interaction that was helpful my kid's confidence. Building muscles/fitness helps too![/quote]

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