Reply to 12 Year Old Son Constantly Lies

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP.
A lot of pp's on here make excellent points about what the reasons might be for lying .  forgetfulness, autonomy, fear of consequences - all understandable and probably all come into play for most kids at times. For us, my DH is micromanager, way too heavy handed AND my kid (13 yr old) is forgetful, has anxiety, and fears consequences (that is his father's temper). 
If we were to take all of the advice I have seen posted on here honestly I think we would still have problems. When DS gets in trouble at school he lies through his damn teeth to us to convince us that he is "innocent." I KNOW he is lying. This happens way too often, I know my kid and he just not convincing enough when he lies - it is obvious in this context. 
DH falls for it though - I know that is another issue entirely! But I think he absolutely should be punished for the wrongdoing and also the lying. 
With regards to homework and other responsibilities  the consequences of giving him autonomy could be rather serious. So while in theory all of the solutions here make sense I don't know if our problems would be solved so easily.
Sorry did not mean to hijack the post. [/quote]

Why do you have to be the ones doling out consequences and managing these things?

Misbehavior in school - if he gets caught, he gets a consequence at school. The parents have nothing to do with that, the teacher or principal gives out whatever the consequence is according to the school rules. Don't even bother asking him if he was guilty or innocent since he now has a bad track record of being dishonest. Whatever the school says, you won't fight because he made himself the boy who cried wolf. But, misbehavior at school is being dealt with by the school so maybe doesn't need anything additional at home.

A teen is old enough to understand that to get by in adulthood requires a paying job, all of which require some sort of qualifications & training or education. Screwing up their grades screws up their future, this is easy to understand. His grades, his problem. Don't micromanage the homework. He doesn't need to lie to you about it -- he either does it or doesn't, and takes the grades he earns. Any consequences you have tied to grades either happen or not based on the report card -- no lies necessary because the grades on the page tell all you need to know.

Don't make anything his responsibility unless he is the one who would face the main consequences of upholding or failing to uphold the obligation. Then, he simply gets the outcome he earns for himself. If he's on necessary medication, then, like a young child, he needs to be supervised while taking it because he has shown he can't be trusted. Otherwise, unless he needs to help with the care of a sibling or a pet, I can't think of any responsibility a 13 year old has that would be disastrous to anyone other than himself if he failed to uphold it. [/quote]

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