Reply to Mother will never get over my decision to have a career and kids

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[quote=Anonymous]This has very little to do with you and a lot to do with her own emotional issues: She's competitive with you and threatened by you; she's worried that you're the better mother; she's worried your children love you more than you love her. Etc. "Lavishing care" doesn't mean she didn't or doesn't have significant emotional issues.

My own SAHM had a very difficult time separating out her identity from mine in ways that were harmful and it took therapy to repair the damage. When I went back to work after staying home when my older kids were young, she said a bunch of very mean and negative things. At first I took the bait and engaged and got upset, but then I realized that this was yet another manifestation of her own serious emotional issues, and I actively tried to start listening with compassion. I didn't engage or laugh or do anything that might indicate defensiveness. I just responded something like "I am glad you care so much about your grandchildren. Now I need to go get Larla at her piano lesson. Have a good evening." Wash, rinse, repeat.

Years later this is largely a non-issue. Occasionally her own insecurity and emotional issues pop up, but I respond the way that I would to a tantruming child (don't engage, acknowledge the feeling, move on), and it largely goes away. A few years ago she apologized for some of the unkind things she'd said (well, sort of, but close enough), and she has made a genuine effort with my kids, so I am glad I didn't overreact in ways I'd regret now. 
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