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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My own mother wasn't quite this extreme, but growing up was very similar - very high expectations of performance in anything I choice to do and very concerned about how I looked going out, but mostly when we were visiting family. Her upbringing has a lot to do with it (Iranian) and she's mellowed out a bit as she's gotten older at least. But still cares about weight, makeup, etc.

Talk with your mom. Tell her that her intense focus led to a lot of issues with you growing up. "I didn't notice!" is what my mom said, to which I responded that that was WHY I was telling her.

Does your mother also play the comparison game? She did that with me and other people's kids a lot and that is the one I need to be on the look out for with our kids (having our first soon). I like PP who says to have a talk with your kids, explaining that grandma's words are not to be taken at face value.[/quote]

Wow. Your Iranian mom sounds like my Korean mom. She was constantly telling me to lose weight. I was chubby and stayed chubby until my 30s and maybe that led me to be unable to "marry up" since high earning Korean guys were very much into looks. She tried to convey this to me but I rebelled and ended up having self worthlessness issues and body image issues. Her disapproval was such a dominating force I tried to excel in academics to please her. I did excel but it got me into serious depression when the first major failure happened in my life (B-/C average in law school despite my utter best efforts and failing the bar exam). I digressed too much into me. But basically i wanted to say your mom can be toxic and you are not overreacting.[/quote]

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