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[quote=Anonymous]So- I agree that you need to be cautious, but disagree that saying "grandma only cares about appearance" is the right approach. 
For context-- it sounds like your mom was very similar to my grandma (dad's mom).  She only had boys, so when it came to me and my sisters, we were the girls she always wanted but didn't have herself.  The clothes buying/etc all sound similar-- the first time I ever had a manicure and my first hairstylist appointment (for something other than a cut) were both with her (and I was in like 4th or 5th grade).  She totally spoiled us with food, outings, etc, and I loved her dearly.  
It was obvious that she cared about looks-- it was known that she preferred me because I was the "pretty one" among my sisters, and she once made me cry when I was like 11 or 12 by saying something about the size of my hips.  That said, our time with her was limited to the 2 family trips each year, and even to a youngish kid it was pretty obvious that she was a little nuts (she once told me not to be friends with girls prettier than me, so that boys would be more attracted to me in a group-- I was in 6th grade at the time).  None of her neuroses rubbed off on me, I have plenty of friends who are prettier than I am, and I never felt the urge to look a certain way or do something to make her happy.  I think my own very down to earth parents and the generational separation helps.  Basically, I think as long as you set healthy examples for them the 99% of the time grandma isn't around, they will see how her behavior differs from the norm and it will be ok. [/quote]

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