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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=ThatBetch]You don't have to wait for some sort of formal Notice of Abuse to tell your friend that you're concerned.

I was abused (emotionally, physically, financially, psychologically...) by my almost-ex husband. We're separated now. Honestly? If you'd told me "Hey, I think you may be being abused." or "That kind of manipulative headgame is abusive" I would've tried to defend my husband.

It would've been more helpful, for me at least, to have somebody say "You know, I've noticed you seem really edgy lately." Or "I haven't seen you around much lately. Everything okay?" or "You seem really stressed. What's up?" Then, when the truth of "well, my husband..." came out, rather than label his behavior as all-caps ABUSE!!!, say something like "That seems to be really troubling you. What can we do about it?"

Point being that many abused people will fight the label, which is counterproductive. But if you see patterns of behavior, that's not really something you can argue about.

Ultimately, it matters far less whether your friend is being "emotionally abused" or not, and far more whether or not she can thrive happily in this relationship.

Ditch the labels and focus on the problem(s) would be my advice.[/quote]

Honestly, treating abuse like a relationship problem that had to be solved kept me in the relationship way longer.  I felt like I had to "work on things" or "give it a chance.".  [b]I thought it wasn't abusive because I wasn't physically being hit.  For ME, it would have been really helpful to label the behavior as abusive[/b].  [/quote]

+1. Most people don't think of "emotional abuse" as "abuse". Don't dwell on the label, but saying, "That's not an acceptable way to treat someone, its not your fault he said those things" could get around the label and validate their feelings more than asking how the problem could be solved. Also, if you are able make sure that your friend knows that they can call you anytime, no questions asked.

I second the hotline recommendation. They can help you figure out how best to help - they are not there just for DV victims, but also for family and friends who want to help.[/quote]

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