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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree that moving her is absurd.  It also has little to do with how irresponsible she was with money.  It really makes no difference how close she is, the dementia will continue to take her further from you.  Unless you've witnessed first hand the devastating effects of dementia, you have little idea of how devastating it is.  My FIL had it as did my DH's uncle.  The last 5 years of my DH's uncle's life, I had to avoid seeing him because every time I did, he'd go into a rage.  He was convinced I had stolen his brother's car, sold all of his belongings and was stealing his money.  His brother (DH's father) was dead and since DH is an only child, DH inherited everything.  I was driving FIL's car because 1) he was dead and didn't need it and 2) it was better than mine (but not as nice as DH's).  I also helped clean out his house (DH's childhood home).  He couldn't remember his brother was dead but he sure did remember me with his brother's stuff![/quote]

You're looking at it very differently than I would.  We moved my MIL because they were going to dump her anywhere and she was across the country.  It doesn't matter how responsible or irresponsible they are with money when it gets to the moderate to severe dementia stage.  She might as well enjoyed the money and let medicaid pay for the nursing home.  Most suck either way and you only get slightly better care in some places private pay.  Most are terrible either way.  Having my MIL close means we can get her outside appointments when we don't agree with the nursing home (which we've had to do for dental and other issues), manage her money and make sure she has clothing and everything she needs (when the nursing home took her check, we sent a list of needed items and they refused to buy it with her funds), having eyes on (you can see with active family, the patient treatment is better), and most importantly, no matter how she behaves due to the dementia, one of the few joys she gets is seeing us and her grandkids.  And, how do you want to be treated in your final years?  I want my kids to learn no matter what you take care of family and set a good example on how it should be done.

But, in OP case, it is different from yours or ours.  OP mom is at a good facility who is meeting her needs.  And, its very hard to transfer medicaid facilities and the physical part of moving her would be very difficult and expensive for OP if she had to pay for multiple flights (assuming mom can fly) and a caregiver.[/quote]

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