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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The anger is part of the dementia.  She doesn't fully understand what is going on and is very confused.  It will get worse.  My MIL was always very good to me and when she moved here with the dementia, I got the brunt of it.  It was terrible.  Honestly, its easier managing things if she is closer but then you will feel obligated to visit, at least a few times a month, if not more.  Its been a lot of work between the visits, arguing with the nursing home, managing everything but I couldn't do it from that distance.  Even if your uncle was POA and payee, it wouldn't make a difference.  They usually target the person closest to them and just remember dementia does horrible things to the mind.

Moving her is a big issue.  We did it from cross country.  Originally we were told she could not fly and were going to get a private train booth so she would not be overwhelmed with people and my husband transport her (it would have taken days).  Luckily she could fly and we had friends in the area she came from to help so it was manageable.  If you are going to do it, you need to do it sooner than later but finding a nursing home will be near impossible.  At least in MD, you have to get her into a nursing home bed (medicaid pending), then apply for medicaid.  I could not find a bed, like I said, till months after she was here as they all want her a Maryland resident.  I had to get her an ID, change over social security and all that, etc.

Can you have your husband take over some of the day-to-day?  For some reason since she isn't my mom, I handle it a lot better than my husband does.

PS.  Most of the people on my MIL unit are angry.  If you had to live like they do bored, doing nothing all day with terrible food, 2 showers a week, how would you feel?[/quote]

OP here. The problem is she cannot stay with us until I find a place for her. She needs round the clock nursing assistance. She has to be in a nursing home facility due to her physical state. My house is even remotely accessible for her. I currently do not argue with the nursing home she is in. They provide excellent care and it is actually very nice, which is why she and my dad selected it years ago.

I think at this stage of the game, I honestly cannot move her. After reading your post and the previous post, the thought of moving her has become absurd.

Thank you for replying! [/quote]

If she is getting good care, I'd visit more if you can but I would not move her.  Its going to be very difficult in terms of finding another facility.  The top ones are not taking new medicaid patients in less you can private pay for a few years first.  I've been to most in MD, and very few are nice that take medicaid.  Ours is better rated and its a constant battle on basic issues that should not even be issues.  If the nursing home facilitates the transfer, you might make it work but if you call around saying medicaid transfer from another state, its near impossible (she'd probably get the medicaid no issue but you have to reapply).

Reality is she is not going to be happy anywhere, so the only advantage is you can visit more and monitor and monitor the situation.  [/quote]

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