Reply to How did you work towards having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex?

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[quote=Anonymous]Anytime I feel frustrated or irritated, I remind myself that my kids security and happiness trumps any annoyances. I don't want them to be stuck between warring parents. I couldn't give them an intact family (I wasn't the one who wanted the divorce) but I will do my utmost to minimize the negative consequences for them. For me, that is a really, really big incentive to maintain a good relationship.

I am accommodating because I like him to accommodate my requests too. When he's late, or flaky, or annoying, I don't waste time getting mad because I refuse to let him derail my whole day. If it's egregious, I'll discuss it with him later, but we haven't had to do that much. I also just assume that I will be the one to take care of most logistics and planning (paperwork, scheduling doctor appointments, laundry, etc) and then it's a pleasant surprise if he send them home with a suitcase of clean clothes after the weekend.

We use email or text to agree on scheduling things or big decisions (if we discuss in person, I send an email to recap and confirm) so that there are no misunderstandings. We also still have a shared, electronic family calendar that we use for kids appointments so that we both have up to date info.

We also agree to not talk about anything beyond the kids. I mean, we'll bitch about the weather or agree that Katie Ledecky is awesome--but we do not discuss our lives or activities beyond things that impact the kids. So I don't get upset thinking about him dating because I just push it all out of my mind. His only role in my life right now is as a co-parent.

I am lucky in that my ex is fairly reliable (he's chronically late which I find irritating, but it's usually 15 minutes, not hours), always pays child support promptly, and is a good father. That makes things much easier. What makes it hard of course is that I miss our relationship and our friendship and having a cooperative relationship amplifies that. Which is why I'm so firm on the kids-only restrictions. [/quote]

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